Find Your Calm

Homemade Butternut Squash Soup

2011-12-18T14:00:00.021-05:00

On cold winter days, nothing is more comforting than a big warm bowl of hearty soup. The best part is that they are super easy to make at home. This being the coldest day in NYC yet this season (only 28 degrees!!), staying in and making soup sounds just about perfect.

My favorite soup is butternut squash. Some recipes can be packed with cream and butter. I prefer a healthier version (dairy free) that still packs the same tasty punch!

Start off with the following ingredients:

2 tbs olive oil
1 garlic clove

1 medium white onion

1 large butternut squash

2 carrots

chicken stock

nutmeg

all spice

salt and pepper

Begin by cutting butternut squash into 1-inch chunks (yes, butternut squash can be very hard to cut!), along with carrots. Chop onions into chunks and mince garlic.

In a large pan, sautee garlic and onions in 2 tbs of olive oil. Let sit for a few minutes until onions begin to brown.

Add carrots and squash to pan. Let the veggies begin to brown for about 2 minutes.

Add 1 cup of chicken stock. Add 1 tbp of nutmeg and 1 tbp of all spice, 1/2 tsp salt and a touch of black pepper. Stir until spices are evenly distributed. Cover pan and let simmer for 15-20 minutes.

When your veggies are tender, turn off heat and scoop contents of the pan into a blender, liquid and all (you might need to do this in 2 steps if you have prepared a lot of veggies).

Blend on high until smooth. Depending on the desired consistency of your soup, add more stock to the blender and mix thoroughly. I prefer mine to be thick and creamy. Others prefer a more liquid-y consistency.

Return the puree back into a sauce pan where you can re-heat to serve, and add salt to taste.

Top with crushed walnuts for a crunchy kick, sprinkle with nutmeg and you're ready to serve!

If you make a big batch of soup, it stores very well and will last you for days! Just pop it in the microwave and serve up a bowl at home or at work! Super easy and extremely healthy.

Buon Appetito!

(makes 4-5 large servings)

Gift Guide: Calming Gifts for You and Yours

2011-12-02T09:48:00.005-05:00

I am excited to share a selection of some of my favorite gifts this season! Whether you're purchasing a little something for yourself, or giving them away, each of these items are sure to bring calm and comfort to you and yours.

For the Macho Man: Outdoorsy Scents

Just because you're a guy, doesn't mean your home can't smell good. Candles are my most favorite gift of choice (holidays, house warming, "get well"... you can't go wrong). Specially-created for the holidays, these spruce tree-scented Epinette candles or warm and fruity, spiced plum-scented Perdigone candles from Diptique are an elegant gift for any man (or woman!) that appreciates the smell of wintertime. $32-68, Diptique.com.

For the Foodie: Wine-of-the-Month Club Membership

If you're anything like me, you love to pop open a good bottle of wine with your meal, sit back, sip and relax. Having wine delivered right to your door each month? Even better! Give a gift membership and find out more at the "original" wine club here: wineofthemonthclub.com. Memberships start at $140 (includes 2 bottles of wine per month for 4 months).

For the Young at Heart: Classic Games

There is something very relaxing about losing yourself in a great board game. The best part? No matter what your age, you are sure to have a great time! The classic ones are always the best. Nasco Board Game Set (includes The Game of Life, Monopoly, Sorry!, Pictionary, Brain Quest, and Checkers/Chess/Backgammon), $125.95, enasco.com

For the Family that Has Everything: Pizza Cooking Class

I love gifting "experiences"... friends or family can go do something fun together. I have heard magical things about this wonderfully enjoyable Little Italy pizza workshop from friends and have been dying to try it! Learn to make yummy pizza dough from scratch, add your favorite toppings and EAT your creations, all while sipping wine amongst your nearest and dearest at this Grand Street pizza mecca. Classes start at $150 per person, pizzaacasa.com

For the Design Snob: Monogrammed Cashmere Throw

Everything in life should be monogrammed (just my opinion). If you are looking to snuggle up on the couch this winter, you will definitely want a big cozy cashmere blanket to keep you warm. This one from Williams Sonoma also looks beautiful strewn over the arm of your couch.
$200, www.williamsonoma.com

For the Frazzled New Mom: Soothing At-Home Spa Time

Is there anything better than a relaxing bath at the end of a long, cold day of Christmas shopping? Elemental Herbology Botanical Bathing Infusions set the mood for an at-home-spa sanctuary. Escape and breathe in the aromatic scents; they are sure to soothe a tired soul. $38 for a set of five scents, beautybar.com.

For the Active Types: Bikram Yoga Classes

The holidays are stressful! Find peace of mind while also getting a killer workout with some post-holiday yoga. Bikram is a heated form of the age-old practice; sweat off a few pounds after your holiday feast. The heat also heals, helps prevent injuries and promotes sweating which flushes toxins from your body. I have to admit, its not the easiest form of yoga, but you certainly feel amazing afterwards! New student special is going on now: 1 week of classes for only $27! Sign up at BikramYogaNYC.com.

For the Newbie Gardener: Seed Bombs

In my next life, I hope to be an avid gardener. It's not easy to do in a small New York City apartment. For those with a bit of space to grow some delightful flowers and herbs, these Seed Bombs do the trick! Five gumball-sized balls are packed into each 3x4-inch pouch, ready to plant! Cat and dog-friendly to boot. $14 for 2 pouches, visualingual.etsy.com.

For the Lifelong Wanderer: Vintage Maps

Have a favorite city that you love to visit? Why not 'visit' it all year long with a framed map of the area? I particularly love the look of vintage maps. It's fun to collect and frame a map from the cities and towns where your adventures take you. Also, a great keepsake for years to come. This map of New Orleans would be particularly special for my fiance as it's his hands-down most favorite city! $50, maps.com.

Contributing Calm: The First Supper, by Virginia Landau

2011-12-01T09:31:00.010-05:00

I don't know how or why exactly it happened, but I awoke one morning and realized I was a few happy hours away from 30.. and yet I had never really cooked for myself. And I mean really cooked.. Felt inspired by a recipe, went to the store and enjoyed purchasing all of the ingredients, spent those moments in the kitchen without a TV or company, and cooked a meal for myself.. just me.

I don't know if it was the new city, or the new friends, or even just the change in seasons that motivated me to do so.. .but there I was browsing the internet for recipe ideas, looking forward to going home and putting a meal on the table that only I would be sitting down for.

I settled on a sweet potato and black bean chili that complimented my love of mexican with the season. The grocery list was short, but for the first time in my life, I was not in a rush to be somewhere else. I was just excited to be preparing this meal-spending some time in the kitchen watching the final product come together from start to finish-not just impatiently waiting for a full meal to arrive in front of me..

I may have finally sat down alone to enjoy the bowl of chili a bit later than I would have liked, but I remember that first bite. That bite a few weeks ago would have never been worth the wait. It would have fallen into the "I'm hungry and I want something now!," kind of thinking that normally went on in my head. But, this bite - the first bite - was worth every minute.

Sweet Potato and Black Bean Chili

2 tablespoons olive oil
2 1/2 cups chopped onions
3 garlic cloves, chopped
2 1/2 cups 1/2-inch pieces peeled sweet potatoes
2 tablespoons chili powder
2 teaspoons ground cumin
3 15-ounce cans black beans, rinsed, drained
2 1/2 cups vegetable broth
1 14 1/2-ounce can diced tomatoes in juice

Heat oil in large pot over medium-high heat. Add onions and garlic; sauté until tender and golden, about 9 minutes. Add Sweet potatoes; stir 2 minutes. Stir in chili powder and cumin. Stir in beans, broth, and tomatoes with juices; bring to boil. Reduce heat and simmer, uncovered, until squash is tender, about 15 minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Ladle chili into bowls and serve. Add a dollop of sour cream or Greek yogurt if desired.

Rewiring a Short-Fused System

2011-11-30T16:56:00.001-05:00

I have been told that I tend to have a short-fuse. I'm not proud of it, but hey, I'm only human! Many people I know deal with the same issue of having a short temper. I personally tend to really over-react when things get to me, and often have a quick, automatic response to dealing with anything that annoys me or gets under my skin.

One day I had a wake up call: I had freaked out over the most menial thing and afterwards was just horrified at how I had reacted. Was my short fuse getting the best of me? I decided it was time to rewire my system. . . and I'm proud to say I have really made progress in this department.

I was reminded of one of my most favorite quotes recently and it got me thinking about how we tend to DEAL with things in life: Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. When you think about it, its quite simple, and VERY empowering: YOU have the power to CHOOSE exactly how you are going to react in any situation you are faced with. Essentially, you are wiring your mind in a way that looks at things more calmly, logically. Whether your dog got off the leash and is running down Lexington Avenue, or your boss just told you what a horrible job you're doing at work, you have the option to either completely freak out, or stay calm, cool and collected, dealing with it in a rational manner. Which would you prefer? Which seems more calming to you?

Sometimes it's easy to get mad instead of looking at the deeper issue of what might be bothering you. When you find yourself struggling to make sense of why your anger over something small is making you over-react, try to take a look at what the larger issue might be. Most of the time, whatever you are getting angry at is not the actual thing that is making you mad; it just happens to pop up at an inopportune time. Or you search out something that you can get mad at to blow off steam (we are all guilty of this!) Often, our over-reaction to situations is the cause of being tired or stressed. When we can step back and realize this, it helps to put things in perspective and handle the situation in a different way, even if its just stepping away and not exploding!

To be honest, some things just aren't worth the energy! Before you freak, stop and think if you really want/need to. More often than not, you can just walk away

Thanksgiving 'Comfort Cake'

2011-11-23T13:01:00.003-05:00

There is something about baking goodies that makes the holidays that much more special. I especially love cooking for other people, so when I had the task of making something festive for my fiance's company Thanksgiving party, I jumped on it. What screams HOLIDAY more than Gingerbread Cake?! Slather on some rich cream cheese frosting and some crushed walnuts and you have yourself one tasty treat! I've aptly re-named this dessert "Comfort Cake" - it's such a delicious accompaniment to a mug of hot chocolate during the cold winter months!

Looks like people at the office are enjoying it! Even at 11am!

By the way, if you haven't tried to make gingerbread before, the smell of it baking it in your home will definitely set the mood for the holidays. It's heaven!

Recipe for Thanksgiving Comfort Cake:

1/2 c. butter
1 c. sugar
1 egg, beaten
1 c. molasses
2 1/2 c. flour
1 1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. cinnamon
2 tsp. ginger
1 c. hot water

Stir together all ingredients above with a fork until the mixture is smooth and creamy. Bake in a greased square pan at 350 degrees for 30-35 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center of cake comes out clean.

Cream Cheese Frosting:

2 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup butter, softened
2 cups sifted confectioners' sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Cream together the cream cheese and butter until smooth. Stir in the vanilla, then gradually add in the confectioners' sugar and stir until you achieve the desired texture.

*Add crushed walnuts and a sprinkle of cinnamon to top of cake to taste

Energy Boosting Tips at Work

2011-10-21T14:59:00.015-04:00

Are you one that suffers from what I like to call "the bewitching hour"? All of a sudden you find yourself slumped over at your desk at work, waiting for the day to end, eyes drooping, energy fading, and you are craving some sort of sweet (or a Starbucks double shot espresso!).

If you're like most Americans, this feeling is not uncommon. This seems to be the most exhausting time of day for everyone! According to CNN.com's health and wellness squad, "Fatigue and flagging energy seem to be epidemics, especially among women who burn the candle at both ends (and who doesn't?)".

So what can you do to help boost your energy right NOW? Use these tips for keeping energy slumps at bay on a day-to-day basis.

Shine the Light: You'd be surprised what the proper lighting can do for your energy levels. If you have a lamp on your dsek at work, use it! If you are able to move to a more well-lit area in your office, do it! Adequate lighting is an essential aspect of an energizing work environment. Florescent lighting can take its toll throughout the day, though. So do your best to get as much natural light as possible. In other words, please take your lunch break! Just 20 minutes of sunshine per day will fulfill your Vitamin D needs (the vitamin that supports healthy mood, demeanor and energy levels).

Kick the Caffeine Habit to the Curb: Although your morning cup of joe might give you the kick you need early in the day, your body treats the substance like a drug, and basically goes into withdrawal when you don't feed it more! Much like sugar, your system will crash a couple of hours after having that initial burst of energy, leaving you craving more caffeine (and cookies) later in the day. Forego your Starbucks and Diet Coke, and opt for a healthy green or herbal tea instead. Giving up coffee can be hard (I've tried many times). Try to begin tapering slowly (half caffinated coffee with half regular coffee)... wean yourself off so you dont risk major headaches from the inevitable feelings of withdrawal.

Chug a Glass of Water: Even slight dehydration can cause your system to feel sluggish. Make an effort to stay quenched throughout the day by keeping a bottle of water close by or on your desk at work. If its there, you are more likely to sip it throughout the day. Shoot for at least 1 liter of water consumption before dinner time. And always drink water when consuming alcohol. The age old "one glass of water per drink" rule applies here. Your body (and head) will thank you the next day. Promise.

Protein to The Rescue: Protein is an essential part of your diet. It not only keeps you fuller longer, and assists in building muscle, but also provides lasting energy throughout the day. Try to incorporate protein into your morning routine (eggs or a protein bar sufice!), and if possible, have a protein rich snack around 3pm when your energy levels are about to crash. Try a tablespooon of peanut butter on a sliced apple, or a handful of raw almonds with a banana.

Refocus Your Energy: Let's be honest, not everyone LOVES their day job. And that is okay. If you get stressed, bored or annoyed at work, especially when the afternoon slump hits, take a 20 minute break to focus on something you DO love. Whether its flipping through US Weekly, calling your best friend to chat or researching the newest restaurants in your neighborhood, take some time to focus on something completely different. Then get back to what's on your to-do list.

Take a Lap: As it starts to get colder outside, it will become harder and harder to brave the weather! Take this time to go for a brief, brisk walk outside and get some air. Go pop into your favorite store and have a browse. Getting your body moving mid-day will keep your blood flowing and your mind on-point for those daunting tasks you have to get done by EOD.

The Truth Behind Gluten

2011-10-19T16:44:00.012-04:00

How Gluten Negitively Affects The Body and What You Can Do About It

A few months ago, I began to feel the negative effects of a new rigid job schedule (something I had not been used to on a freelancer’s schedule). At the same time, some minor health issues such as colds, aches, paints, etc. were popping up more regularly than normal. My immediate reaction was that it must be a result of stress, as that is the usual culprit with me. I wanted to dig a little deeper and see if there was anything else I could actually do to relieve my exhaustion and the rollercoaster of varying energy levels throughout the day (especially the afternoon slump around 4pm!), along with my crop of seasonal maladies.

I turned to friend and Certified Health + Wellness coach, Jennifer Fugo Gresh, for suggestions. Thankfully, Jennifer could relate to what I was going through and suggested I look at my diet as a means to resolve some of the issues I was facing. She turned me onto the idea of incorporating a gluten-free diet into my day-to-day life. At first thought, the idea of "gluten-free" sounded like a fad diet. . . until I learned what gluten actually was, and discovered how it can have both short and long term effects on one's physical health and overall wellbeing. Lucky for me, Jennifer also happens to specialize in food sensitivities and is the the mastermind behind the new Gluten Free School.

Jennifer’s Story:

For many years, Jennifer was lacking the quality of life that she now has. Her declining health at the ripe old age of 27 just didn’t make sense. Unable to wake up in the morning (even after 9 hours of sleep), she felt exhausted all day and popped Tylenol trying to manage constant headaches. Her digestive system was a mess (think constant gas, bloating, diarrhea and constipation) and she’d gained almost 20 lbs despite hitting the gym four times a week. Jennifer finally had a wake-up call and realized that what she was eating was actually making her sick! Gluten, casein (found in dairy), and eggs were a big part of the problem. She spent the next year navigating through the vast obstacle course of conflicting information and confusing advice in order to successfully master her eating. In the process of eliminating these foods, she lost nearly 20 lbs of inflammation weight, calmed her digestive system, cleared up her skin and triumphed over headaches. Plus, she feels energized all day without any caffeine!

So, what exactly is gluten?!

Essentially, Gluten is responsible for the elastic texture of dough. It's a special type of protein that is commonly found in rye, wheat and barley. Therefore, it is found in most types of cereals and in many types of bread.

Folks that are especially sensitive to gluten (also known as celiac disease) must avoid it all-together in order to prevent gastrointestinal symptoms and possible intestinal damage. More generally, for the rest of us, one of the most harmful aspects of a gluten-filled diet is that it is considered inflammatory.

Avoiding excessive inflammation in the body is an essential aspect of healing and preventing disease. According to Jennifer, “Inflammation is like a gang of thieves that come to rob your home over and over and over again and never seem to leave. So, your body's alarm system (aka, your immune system) is constantly going off and it completely wears you down.”

Think of what happens when you catch a cold. You may experience inflammation in the form of a fever as your body heats up to eradicate the effects of the invading virus. This kind of inflammation is good, but the modern epidemic of chronic, low-grade inflammation destroys the balance in your body. When your body's systems experience a constant inflammatory response, you become more susceptible to aging and disease.

Why is an anti-Inflammatory diet beneficial?

While each anti-inflammatory plan has its own twist, all are based on the general concept that constant or out-of-control inflammation in the body leads to ill health, and that eating to avoid constant inflammation promotes better health and can ward off disease, says Russell Greenfield, MD, a clinical assistant professor of medicine at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and a private-practice physician.

So, what can you eat on a gluten-free diet?

Lots!

Not all foods from the grain family contain gluten: Rice, corn, millet, buckwheat, quinoa, oats, soybeans and sunflower seeds are all examples of gluten-free grains! Although a strict gluten-free diet might seem impossible to maintain forever, taking small steps to avoid gluten when possible can certainly make a difference. Give it a try and see how you feel!

• Cereals and grains: rice, millet, maize, quinoa, tapioca, sago, buckwheat, teff and sorghum

• Meat fish and eggs: all are basically fine – just check any coatings, sauces and spices you add, and check wafer-thin meats too (sometimes wheat flour is added to make them ‘peel apart’)

• Dairy products: milk and most cream, cheese and yoghurt – check any added ingredients, and check ready-grated cheese (sometimes wheat flour is added to stop the slivers of cheese sticking together)

• Flours: rice, corn, potato, maize, gram, soya, chickpea, sorghum, tapioca and chestnut flours are all OK

• Fruit: all fruits are naturally gluten free – check ready-made pie fillings, though

• Vegetables: all vegetables are naturally gluten free – check any coatings, sauces and spices

• Fats: you can eat butter, margarine, oils, lard and dripping (if you want!) but avoid suet and check low-fat spreads

• Breakfast cereal: tricky one – check carefully, and avoid any containing wheat, oats, barley or rye. You might also want to avoid malt extract

• Bread, crackers and crispbreads: avoid all the conventional ones, and eat only those labelled as gluten free, or those you’ve made yourself and know to be gluten free

• Cakes, pastries, cookies and biscuits: avoid all the conventional ones, and eat only those labelled as gluten free, or those you’ve made yourself and know to be gluten free

• Pizza and pasta: avoid all the conventional ones, and eat only those labelled as gluten free, or those you’ve made yourself and know to be gluten free

• Soup and sauces: check every time, in case wheat flour has been used to thicken a soup or a sauce

• Pies, quiches, flans and tarts: avoid all the conventional ones, and eat only those labelled as gluten free, or those you’ve made yourself and know to be gluten free

• Puddings and desserts: check every time – meringue, jelly and most icecreams and sorbets will be fine, but unless specifically labelled gluten free, cheesecakes, pies etc will not be good for you

• Snacks: nuts, raisins and seeds are all naturally gluten free, but check any added coatings and check all packets of crisps (chips) and other savoury snacks – we’ve been caught out by these before, especially when the recipe is changed

• Sweets (candy): check every time – chocolate is usually OK to eat, but not if it covers a biscuit! All sorts of unexpected sweets contain wheat, such as Smarties, here in the UK, and licorice

• Alcohol: wine, spirits, liqueurs and cider – avoid real ale, beer, lager and stout (unless specifically labelled as gluten free)

• Soft drinks: coffee, tea, juices, cocoa, fizzy drinks and most squashes – but check that they don’t contain barley or ‘cloud’, and don’t drink from vending machines

• Spices and seasonings: pure salt, pepper, herbs, vinegar – check spices and mustard powder for added flour.

• Spreads and preserves: jam, marmalade, honey, Marmite (UK only – check in other countries), nut butters

• Pickles and dressings: check every time

• Cooking ingredients: yeast, bicarbonate of soda and cream of tartar – check baking powder for added flour

Credits: Jennifer Fugo Gresh, The Gluten Free School, WebMD, freefrom.com

Feeling Depleted?

2011-03-30T11:48:00.011-04:00

I once heard an interesting tid-bit about the body's reaction to stress, and it really stuck with me: if you break up the word "disease", it becomes DIS-EASE, or in other words, a body that is not at ease. I thought this was a great way to look at how our bodies handle uneasiness (otherwise known as stress) and manifests it into uncomfortable physical symptoms.

I have learned from years of experience that any form of stress can really deplete one's energy and wear down the immune system. I have personally become so used to it that I can now automatically sense when I am overwhelmed by the way my body reacts: exhausted, lethargic, emotional, irritable, anxious... all of these physical symptoms are signs of stress. Physical manifestations of uneasiness pop up in other ways too; sometimes we are more prone to bruising, bone fractures, skin rashes or breakouts, cold sores, headcolds, etc. Stress can really take it's toll!

Instead of waiting for a physical symptom to pop up to realize your body has had enough, there are ways to be proactive in our approach to managing our general health, and to promote ongoing wellness.

If you are the type of person that gets stressed out or overwhelmed often, it is essential that you replenish your system with vital nutrients on a regular basis. This can mean eating a balanced, nutritious, superfood-dense diet that is jam-packed with vitamins and minerals, and also adding a convenient supplement plan to your eating regimine. Because stress causes your body to use up nutrients quicker, replacing them regularly and in the right doses is very important.

I was recently introduced to a line of supplements made by Vibrant Health that I find to be absolutely amazing. Although they offer a variety of health supplements (including a detox which I am dying to try!), the product that I like to use on a daily basis is their original product called Green Vibrance. This wonder-supplement combines the support of the 4 foundations of health: nutrition, digestion, circulation and immunity, with the additional benefit of detoxification, neurological health and cardiovascular health. Also, it's organic! I also must admit that I am obsessed with their website as it offers a wealth of information about health, healing and wellness!

I now try to drink my Green Vibrance shake every morning to boost my immune system and keep my nutrients in check.

You can add a spoonfull of this green powder to your favorite juice in the morning to get a great kick start to your day! I'll be honest, it is a little funky looking (my boyfriend definitely looks on with disgust while I chug it) BUT, it is so very restorative and you will notice a boost in your energy right away. Keep in mind that this is a great ADDITION to any meal plan but should not be used to replace it.

If you have a favorite meal supplement, we'd love to hear about it on our comment threads.

Complacency Breeds Contempt

2011-03-25T09:35:00.006-04:00

Do you ever stop and ask yourself if the life you are leading is truly 100% fulfilling to you? If you had the chance to change something, to reach further or dream bigger, would you?

Most people would not even know how to answer that question. They would probably say something along the lines of, "Well, it seems to be working okay, so why change it?"

It has been confirmed that we as human beings only use 10% of our potential - 10%!!! That leaves a lot of room for, well, just about everything else that we want to accomplish, but for some reason, don't!

Can you imagine what life would be like if you used double, 20%, of your potential?? Just imagine what you could accomplish!

What we often dont realize is that we do not even ALLOW ourselves to imagine a better scenario for ourselves. We shut down our goals, dreams and desires with negative self-talk, "There's no way I could possibly change careers at my age, it's impossible!"

When talking to people about this subject I've found that the reason people do not reach farther or dream bigger always comes back to one thing: FEAR. Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of hard work. We become accustomed to low degree of effort we put into achieving more and settle for mediocrity. Complacency breeds contempt. Do you want to lead a mediocre life?

The most important step to reaching the next level of our potential is to just allowing ourselves to think outside of the box we've placed around ourselves. Challenge yourself to simply visualize what it would be like to feel completely 100% fulfilled right now. Now stop and think if that vision is rational - is that a real-life situation that you have the potential of creating for yourself? If so, what are you waiting for?

By letting yourself dream bigger, and to think outside of your comfort zone, you are automatically setting yourself up for success. What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

Retrain Your Brain: How to banish limiting mental patterns and reach your full potential

2011-03-22T19:51:00.003-04:00

The saying goes, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” but research is showing that this age-old proverb couldn’t be further from the truth. We now know that the brain retains its ability to learn new behaviors and habits throughout one’s entire life.

So if we can change, why don’t we? According to M.J. Ryan, author of This Year I Will...: How to Finally Change a Habit, Keep a Resolution, or Make a Dream Come True, change takes hard work.

Our brains have enormous “plasticity,” meaning they can regularly create new cells and pathways. But our brains also create strong tendencies to do the same thing over and over again. These habits can range from beneficial ones, such as exercising daily, to damaging ones, such as smoking.

What we often don’t realize is that, like physical habits, mental habits are formed the exact same way. A feeling of helplessness, for example, is a learned mental behavior. Feeling helpless can hold you up and interfere with your success. Much like a smoking habit, a mental habit can have negative impact on your life by acting as a brake on your potential.

Dr. Martin Seligman, in his book, Learned Optimism, discusses the chief psychological caveat in our lives. He calls it “learned helplessness.” Seligman’s research demonstrated how animals can be trained to feel that they are helpless. In one example, he put a dog in a cage with a glass wall in the middle that separated the dog from a bowl of food. The dog was hungry and tried to get at the food but kept banging his nose on the glass. After several hours, Seligman removed the glass. And what happened then? The dog, still hungry, sat only a few inches away from the food and never even attempted to eat it. The dog had learned to feel helpless. He had become so convinced that he was incapable of getting to the food that even when the obstacles were removed, he just sat there with his stomach growling.

According to Seligman, here’s why: The brain cells that fire together wire together. Meaning, having run in a certain sequence, they are more likely to run that sequence again until it becomes a habit. It’s one of the ways the brain conserves energy. By now, you’ve got a deeply grooved pathway to doing what you’ve always done. That’s why change is hard; you’ve got to practice to create a new pathway that is strong enough to compete with the old one.

Other common negative thought patterns can include depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorder, among others. Dr. Paul Greene, a psychiatrist who specializes in cognitive behavior therapy, explains, “For some people, depression can be driven by unhelpful and inaccurate thought patterns. These patterns can become so well rehearsed over the years that they become habitual. For example, we all know ‘glass half-empty’ kinds of people; in a more extreme form, this type of thinking can cause depression.”

Thankfully, research proves these kinds of learned negative mental behaviors can be unlearned. Follow these useful tips on banishing your limiting thoughts and adopting new habits that will help you reach your full potential.

Look at what might be holding you back - According to Dr. Greene, “We can unlearn negative thought patterns by becoming more aware of how we're thinking, and then learning to challenge our unhelpful and inaccurate thoughts.” Recognize the old, negative mental patterns that do not serve you, such as “I am terrible at my job”. Once you do this, you can determine what new habits you would like to adopt. Then make a plan to incorporate those ideal habits more regularly.

Make it nonnegotiable - Promise yourself that you are absolutely going to make a change. When you do it, where you do it, and how you do it can, and most likely will, change according to circumstances. But that you will do it is not open for consideration. Making it compulsory is a tool for overcoming backsliding after your initial enthusiasm fades. Set a daily reminder in your Blackberry or leave Post-It’s on your bathroom mirror, whatever it takes to remind you of your goal.

Set yourself up for success - It’s easier to succeed when you are prepared. Make your goals actionable. It’s best to know ahead of time what specific actions you’re going to take each day: 10 cold calls a day, for instance, can help you gain confidence in the workplace over time. Be sure to track yourself so you can tell if you’re succeeding or falling behind.

Practice makes perfect - According to experts, the average time it takes to form a new habit is just 21 days. Practicing new behaviors is the key to forming new neural pathways in the brain. Repetition generates habit forming, so be sure to consistently practice the behaviors that will support your ultimate goals.

Excuses be gone - Instead of just hoping it will be different this time, write down your typical rationalizations and create coping strategies in advance. That way you won’t get stopped in your tracks and lose forward momentum when they arise.

Focus on the horizon - Take a tip from high-performance athletes. Look at how far you’ve come, not how much you have left to do. Scientists call this the horizon effect. It creates encouragement (“I’ve done twice as much as a week ago!”) and builds determination (“I’ve made it this far; I might as well keep going.”) Don’t forget to ask yourself how you’ve accomplished the task, so you can mine your success for ideas on how to keep going.

Our ability to change is one of our greatest capacities in life. When you have this invaluable tool in your arsenal, you’ll be empowered to bring anything you want into reality and reach your full potential.

Limiting Beliefs That Curb Our Ability to Change:

Limiting Belief: “Bad Habits Can’t Be Broken”
As much as you’d like to say, “Sayonara!” to your old habits, the pathway you’ve ingrained in your brain is there for life. Author M.J. Ryan suggests focusing on the new, more positive habits you’d like to instill and keep at it no matter how many times your brain jumps the tracks and goes back to the tried and true.

Limiting Belief: “I Will Forget”
Unless you have a trigger from the outside, like a Blackberry reminder, a note on your computer, or a coach or buddy, it’s virtually guaranteed you’ll keep defaulting to the old behavior.

Limiting Belief: “I Want a Quick Fix”
Don’t expect change to happen overnight. Most of us are not concrete enough about what we want and are also unrealistic about what we can reasonably ask ourselves to change. We often expect too much of ourselves, and we expect to change immediately. When that doesn’t happen, we resign ourselves to staying the same, convinced that we are weak or unmotivated.

Start Fresh, Stress Less! Make 2011 The Year You Chill

2011-01-25T12:53:00.004-05:00

As featured in Bella magazine's January 2011 issue. . .

With the New Year upon us, many are making resolutions that will ultimately benefit their well-being. While weight loss, increasing exercise, and quitting smoking are amongst the top picks, there are other beneficial ways to kick the year off right. What better way to take care of yourself, and in turn, those around you, than to resolve to stress less!?

Stress is an inevitable factor in life. Whether you’re running late for work, fighting with a family member, or in the throws of our downward-spiraling economy, stress seems to present itself at every turn. It comes in many different shapes and sizes, but one thing is for sure: America’s stress levels are worse now than ever in our history In fact, a new “Stress in America 2010" report claims that about 75 percent of Americans say they experience stress they feel is unhealthy and that they have no opportunity to break out of the high stress cycle to improve their lives.

Though it may feel like anxiety is your only option, it’s not. There are some very simple ways to stress less. Read on…

Ditch The Perfectionist Mentality
No one’s perfect. Recognition of this fact is the key to achieving self-acceptance. Let go of who you think you need to be and embrace who you are. The more you repeat this simple mantra, the less pressure you will feel to impress others, alleviating your level of stress,” explains Polly Bird, author of Improve Your Time Management.

Manage Your Time
Learn to be proactive with your time, ensuring you feel in control of your daily tasks. Easier said than done? It doesn’t have to be. Sit down and plan your day so that you’re accomplishing your goals at a steady pace, and cut yourself some slack if you don’t get to everything. Schedule important tasks at the beginning of the day to ensure they get done and that you have the energy to complete them, suggests Director of National Geographic’s video, Stress: Portrait of a Killer.

Get Organized
You don’t need to be a medical expert to figure out that stress often flusters us. But there’s no better way to relieve this feeling than to get your immediate surroundings clean and organized. Set aside some time each day to clear out any unnecessary clutter and organize your space. If this seems overwhelming, start with a small space like your desk. Accomplishing one small task at a time will give you the confidence to move onto bigger spaces. Before you know it, your entire home will be organized, and you'll be able to think more clearly about and focus on the task at hand.

Start Sweating
Working out is one of the best ways to beat stress and maintain well-being. . According to Martha Davis, author of The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook, the release of endorphins in the blood stream creates a sense of happiness; that’s why some people call this the body's “natural high”. Exercise also decreases muscle tension caused by emotional stress and produces a relaxation response in your mind, as well as in your body. Physical activity also increases alpha-wave activity in the brain, thus allowing you to clear your mind so as to focus and concentrate more easily. Other benefits of exercise include: improved overall energy level, a more restful sleep and elimination of toxins in the body. If you don't already have an exercise routine, start with 20-30 minutes of aerobic exercise each day to reap its benefits.

Eat Properly
Certain foods cause the body to react to stress and tension in a negative way. Caffeine, for example, exacerbates anxiety and can cause you to feel more stressed. Keep your morning cup of coffee to one, or incorporate herbal, caffeine-free teas into your diet. Teas that include herbs such as chamomile and valerian root relax the body and calm the mind. On the other hand, sugary foods and refined carbohydrates generate nerve-racking sensations in the body by increasing insulin levels. Try to maintain a consistent blood sugar level to keep your nerves in check all day long. Eat six smaller meals throughout the day instead of three larger ones. Davis suggests adding these beneficial foods to your diet: whole grains, vegetables, fruits, calcium-rich foods (e.g., cottage cheese, yogurt and milk), lean protein, and healthy fats (e.g., olive oil, avocado and nuts).

Meditate
The calming effects of meditation have been proven time and time again. Although meditation can seem like a time-consuming and frustrating practice, the serenity felt after just 15 minutes of meditation can have a wonderful effect on your well being. A simple technique for meditating: sit in a quiet, comfortable place and close your eyes. Set a timer for 10 minutes to begin with. Relax into your seat and take your focus away from every thought floating through your head. Place your focus on your breath. Allowing the mind to rest breaks the cycle of stress. Increase your meditation time as it becomes more comfortable.

Equipped with these simple stress-reducing techniques, you can ensure that 2011 is sure to be your most chill year yet.

How NOT to Handle Stress

Smoking: Smoking releases chemicals in the brain called neurotransmitters that may improve your mood and make you feel better, but for only temporarily. Withdrawal from nicotine gradually makes you feel worse. Instead of grabbing another cigarette, exercise, read, or use deep breathing exercises as healthy alternatives.

Alcohol: Alcohol increases the amount of adrenaline secreted into the body, which in turn increases stress-inducing stimuli in the nerve centers of the brain and body. When facing a stressful situation, bypass the bottle and hydrate with plenty of water to keep you feeling energetic in a healthy way.

Binge Eating: When stressed, our bodies tend to crave carbohydrates , which naturally release serotonin into the body. These “feel-good” hormones make us happy for a short period of time. Try to keep your diet balanced while facing stress. Eat small, regular, healthy meals throughout the day so you don’t feel famished.

Retail Therapy: Spending money only leaves you deeper in debt. Leave the credit cards home and go window shopping with friends instead. Or, try reorganizing your closet and find items you haven’t worn in years that you can reintroduce into your wardrobe.

How a Furry Friend Can Reduce Your Stress

Improve your mood. It’s virtually impossible to stay in a bad mood when you’re holding a super-soft kitten in your hands, or when your eyes meet those of a loyal dog.

Reduce stress, sometimes more than people. Pets offer unconditional love and support without the judgment that humans add. Not to mention that they’re great listeners, too!

Stave off loneliness. Pets offer companionship and comfort in times of solitude. Research shows that nursing home residents reported less loneliness when visited by dogs than when spending time with other people.

Pets push you to get out and exercise. Whether walking your dog because of a “bathroom break,” or because a walk is more enjoyable with a buddy, dog owners spend more time walking than non-pet owners. Exercise is an important component to stress reduction.

GET GOING!

2011-01-13T15:42:00.006-05:00

The saying goes, "when the going gets tough, the tough get going", and for many of us, the going DOES get tough, but what really makes this phrase worthwhile is the "get going" part.

I suppose “get going” could mean, "run away from your problems" (something we are all guilty of!), but in the context of this proverb, its meaning is “get motivated!”, “start producing results!”, “work towards making things better!"

We have all been in a hard place or faced a difficult situation in our lives, sometimes it happens on a daily basis! In the moment, it really stinks - you feel stuck, confused, frustrated, and worst of all, unmotivated to make things better.

Instead of wollowing, the best, most productive thing you can possibly do is get up and get going, literally moving yourself to a better place. The distraction of simply DOING diverts your mind away from the negative, and focuses on moving in a new direction.

In the midst of starting my own PR business, there were (and still are) times when I felt like giving up because things were too hard. When things got tough, the easiest and quickest solution was to quit, yet the feeling of giving up on myself and my goals was not acceptable. What did I do? I got going. I decided that 2011 was going to be my best year yet, and that I was not going to give up so easily (something I have been known to do a lot in the past). Instead of throwing in the towel, I have chosen to use those tough moments to motivate myself to get going! Defeat is not on the agenda.

Picking yourself up and dusting yourself off if not always easy, of course. Some things knock you to the ground so hard that you wonder if you will ever stand up again. In these tough moments, simply putting one foot infront of the other is the first step to moving forward.

What we don't realize is that, oftentimes, falling down is the best thing that can happen to a person. It is not until you hit the floor that you realize something has to change, and that giving up on yourself is not the answer. That despair is often motivation enough to turn things right around! Instead of using your tough moments as an excuse to stop in your tracks, try the opposite, get going!

Contributing Calm: Jennifer Fugo

2010-12-30T15:51:00.010-05:00

Jennifer Fugo, CHC, RYT Certified Health Coach & Yoga Teacher

I recently asked a friend of mine, Jen Fugo, who happens to be a certified health coach and yoga teacher, to contribute some thoughts on how to find calm through eating, and in turn, gain and maintain more energy. With New Years right around the corner, now is the perfect time to reevaluate our eating habits. Here, Jen shares her advice about how to garner more gusto in 2011! . . .

There are moments in life when you’ve got energy and feel full of vigor…and then you wake up the next morning and feel like the sheer act of getting out of bed in the morning seems like too much work. Have I caught your attention yet? Do you understand how this feels? Many Americans awake to find the single act of starting their day to be a near impossible feat without the assistance of the AM coffee buzz. Between the fast-paced lives we generally all lead to the amped-up diet we’re consuming, its no shocker that we don’t even have a single clue how to slow down and sit still, let alone do something like meditate. If this sounds familiar and you’re craving stillness in your life without any clue of how to make it happen, don’t worry about packing up shop to head to a meditation center. Your first step to upping the calm factor in your life is simply to shift what you put in your mouth. Seriously.

Many of my clients (and myself) have dealt with the harsh reality of negative food-energy overload. If you aren’t sure what that is, think caffeine, sugar, alcohol, processed white flours and foods. When push comes to shove, exhaustion is your body’s way of expressing its inability to function under current circumstances. It needs real, nourishing foods that will help it simultaneously chill out and reboot its natural energy. So here’s my top 5 list of some of foods that I suggest that will provide you with a different experience of balance, sustained energy and peace in your life as you begin the new year.

1. Herbal Teas – Chamomile and mint teas are wonderful for calming the nervous system. Chamomile has been recently shown to help “lessen symptoms of mild to moderate general anxiety disorder,” according to a study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychopharmacology (link: psychcentral.com/news/2010/02/12/chamomile-for-anxiety/11400.html). Whereas mint tea helps with digestion and aids the body in decrease digestive discomfort. This is great because of the intricate connection between the gut and the mind, so calming one may help to calm the other.

2. Root Vegetables – With winter upon us, definitely pick those sweet potatoes and carrots over the cooling salad. Look for grounding veggies such as rutabagas, parsnips, turnips, carrots, sweet potatoes, celery root, and beets that can be prepared in a number of ways. I personally prefer and suggest to clients that they roast them. Roasting root veggies offers a calming and warming effect in the body.

3. Bone Stocks – Bone stocks are grounding and an extremely easy way for your body to extract nutrients without doing tons of work. They’re a great way to create the best tasting soups ever! Be it cow, chicken, turkey, lamb, pig, deer or fish, you can boil the bones for 8 to 14 hours (you can use a slow cooker if you can’t be home to watch it all day) and get out tons of highly nutritious material that your body will absolutely love you for. And NOW is the season to do just that, especially in places where it’s cold.

4. Fish – Eating fish is the perfect way to obtain Omega-3 Fatty Acids. Though you can definitely acquire them though supplementation, fish or other nutritional sources of Omega-3s are ideal. Overall, Omega-3s are very anti-inflammatory and improve many of the body’s functions.

5. Whole Grains – While you may hear people say over and over that whole grains are the way to go, you probably don’t even realize that there’s more to them than just the fiber. Whole grains such as oatmeal (think rolled oats or steel cut oats over the 2 minute instant variety) and brown rice are great sources of glutamine, a precursor amino acid that the body needs to produce GABA (link: psychcentral.com/news/2010/02/12/chamomile-for-anxiety/11400.html). For people who experience mild depression and anxiety, GABA is a critical neurotransmitter that helps to calm the mind down.

About Jennifer Fugo: Jennifer Fugo, CHC, RYT is a certified health coach and yoga teacher. She works with busy individuals who need motivation and support to transition to a healthier diet. Named by Philadelphia Magazine as one of Philly's 'Gluten-free Gurus', Jennifer has tremendous experience coaching clients to eat around food allergies and sensitivities as she herself is sensitive to gluten, casein and eggs. Her warm and motivating style has helped many clients learn to cook and eat safely and healthfully to nourish both themselves and their families. For more information, recipes and events, please visit her on the web at www.evolvingwell.com.

Diversion

2010-11-11T13:06:00.003-05:00

I recently read an article on the importance of keeping one's mind occupied. It not only helps you to stay interested in all of life's pleasures, but also alleviates thoughts of tension, stress and depression. By redirecting your thoughts away from your pre-occupation with anxious feelings, you are able to focus on something more positive, thus keeping your mindset healthy and energized.

Diversion tactics generally include activities that are somewhat challenging for the mind. They should get your brain working, your body moving and your soul singing. Find things that you have a genuine interest in. Do you want to learn how to play an instrument? Do you like to cook? Did you always want to learn a new language?

Diversion is also a big part of keeping your life balanced. Most of us spend the entire day at work, only to go home, eat something, go to bed and start all over again the next day. If you don't enjoy your work, but are worried about finding another job (which I hope you do!), then find things that you DO enjoy in the meantime.

Challenging yourself is a big component to feeling enthusiastic again. When we complete a challenge, no matter how small, we feel rewarded and satisfied. Search out these opportunities in life and give yourself a shot. It might just give you the boost of self-confidence you need to feel your best.

Understanding Anxiety

2010-11-01T10:48:00.006-04:00

If you suffer from anxiety, you know the feeling of fear and panic all too well. The short of it is, anxiety is considered to be a normal reaction to stress in one's life.

To put it in more medical terms, anxiety is a psychological and physiological state characterized by cognitive, somatic, emotional, and behavioral components. These components combine to create a very unpleasant feeling that is typically associated with uneasiness, apprehension, fear, or worry. Anxiety is a generalized mood condition that can often occur without an identifiable triggering stimulus. As such, it is distinguished from fear, which occurs in the presence of an observed threat. Additionally, fear is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance, whereas anxiety is the result of threats that are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable. Another view is that anxiety is "a future-oriented mood state in which one is ready or prepared to attempt to cope with upcoming negative events" suggesting that it is a distinction between future vs. present dangers that divides anxiety and fear.

Physical effects of anxiety may include heart palpitations, muscle weakness, and tension, fatigue, nausea, chest pain, shortness of breath, stomach aches, or headaches. The body prepares to deal with a threat: blood pressure and heart rate are increased, sweating is increased, blood flow to the major muscle groups is increased, and immune and digestive system functions are inhibited (the fight or flight response). External signs of anxiety may include pale skin, sweating, trembling, and pupillary dilation. Someone who has anxiety might also experience it as a sense of dread or panic. Although panic attacks are not experienced by every person who has anxiety, they are a common symptom. Panic attacks usually come without warning, and although the fear is generally irrational, the perception of danger is very real. A person experiencing a panic attack will often feel as if he or she is about to die or pass out.

Anxiety does not only consist of physical effects; there are many emotional ones as well. They include feelings of apprehension or dread, trouble concentrating, feeling tense or jumpy, anticipating the worst, irritability, restlessness, watching (and waiting) for signs (and occurrences) of danger, and, feeling like your mind's gone blank as well as nightmares/bad dreams, obsessions about sensations, a trapped in your mind feeling, and feeling like everything is scary.

Cognitive effects of anxiety may include thoughts about suspected dangers, such as fear of dying. "You may...fear that the chest pains [a physical symptom of anxiety] are a deadly heart attack or that the shooting pains in your head [another physical symptom of anxiety] are the result of a tumor or aneurysm. You feel an intense fear when you think of dying, or you may think of it more often than normal, or can’t get it out of your mind." (1)

Handling Anxiety:

There are a variety of different ways to handle anxiety, and there are even cases where anxiety can be cured with specific treatment. Ongoing treatment is often necessary. Below is a list of some of the treatments that might benefit those with anxiety. Remember that anxiety is treatable; you must have the will, patience and power to struggle against it. The most important thing to remember is that you need to believe in yourself and others and have a positive view of the world around you. It is often easier said than done.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This therapy is combined of two parts: cognitive therapy (thinking/belief processes), or ways to change our old thinking patterns and habits. If we’re always thinking and expecting the worst, then we will continue to suffer. We train or condition our minds to think and respond differently than we have in the past. Or think of it this way – if we can be conditioned to think and feel negatively, then we can be reconditioned to think healthfully. And behavioral therapy (what we do), or actually putting yourself in everyday, real-life situations where we are bothered by anxiety and depression. Another key component to this form of therapy is emotional (relaxation/peaceful/strength and power strategies). It is important to have some type of relaxation or "de-stress" strategy that is accessible whenever we need it. In this area, calmness and peace are the goals. The more your brain is quiet and relaxed, the easier therapeutic information can get into it and be processed. This is simply another way to let the therapy reach your brain and gently sink in. (2)

Medication Therapy: Use of anti-anxiety and anti-depressant requires prescription from doctor, and only under guidance and monitor from doctor or qualified psychiatrist, the patient will receive the correct dosage, minimize the danger of side effects. You need to realize that medication might be able to relieve some anxiety symptoms but will never cure the actual cause of problem. These medications might not be a long term solution to treat your anxiety disorder. Some medications might pose health risk if consume excessively. Some of the common side effects include addiction. That is why you need to do your due diligence before taking any medication and find out the positive and negative before going ahead with the treatment. Once you have weighed your option, it’s up to you to make an informed decision and proceed with whatever that you think is right for you. Other type of medication includes anti-anxiety drugs like Tranquilizers, Benzodiazepines, Xanax, Valium, Klonopin and Ativan. They have their own set of side-effects though because the user might experience lack of energy, depression, nausea, memory loss and slurred speech just to name a few. (3)

Talk Therapy: Talk therapy is simply talking about what is bothering you. Talk therapy can be practiced with a friend or loved one, a family member, or a therapist. Talking about your problems can help you to spot things that are causing problems in your life. A person with a different perspective on your situation can help you decide how to fix the problems you are having, and how to deal with the things you can’t fix. Through discussion, you can find ways to handle your problems so that the same issues won’t continually disrupt your life. (4)

Continuous psychological counseling coupled with regular checkups will be an ideal treatment for anxiety disorder. You shouldn’t rely solely on just one treatment method because you’ll never know what works before you give them a try.

Recommended Books on Anxiety:

The Worry Trap: How to Free Yourself from Worry & Anxiety Using Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, written by Chad LeJeune, Ph.D.
The 10 Best-Ever Anxiety Management Techniques: Understanding How Your Brain Makes You Anxious and What You Can Do to Change It, written byMargaret Wehrenberg
The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook, Fourth Edition, written by Edmund J. Bourne

Find Your Calm: If you suffer from anxiety, there are ways to treat it... talk to your doctor about a plan that works best for you.

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety
2. http://www.anxietynetwork.com/hcbt.html
3.http://www.treatment-for-anxiety.org/
4. http://www.thehealthcenter.info/talk-therapy.htm

Keep Your Eyes On The Prize

2010-10-29T12:31:00.008-04:00

There is something about Fall that is very uplifting to me: the smell in the air, bundling up to stay warm, football games, the changing of the leaves, anticipation of the holidays...

The season brings up memories of my childhood, especially going back to school in the fall after a long summer on the beach. I distinctly remember the thrill of getting $20 to buy new school supplies at CVS, and going shopping for new school clothes with my mother. To me, the beginning of a new school year always felt like the beginning of the year, rather than January 1st - the entry into a new grade, fresh new notebooks, the intent of getting good grades. All in all, the motivation to start fresh, leave last year behind, and have a great year, starting in September.

Now that November is upon us, I think back at my school days and remember that this was about the time that the momentum would diminish at school, and the desire for Christmas break was the only thing on my mind.

It's interesting to think back and see how the motivation to do well, to have a great year, would so quickly fade. Like a lot of intentions we set for ourselves in life, we often lose track of our goal, and give up on it too soon. I was reminded of this all important lesson when a friend shared an article this morning on the importance of keeping oneself 'in check' when sticking to any intention in life. Consistency is the key here.

"What generates results is actually, physically doing them - consistently. This sounds obvious of course, and yet this is [the] place where people fail again and again."

When you have an intention, whatever it may be, by sticking to it and following-through, you not only prove to yourself that you are capable, but you also trigger tangible evidence of your hard work, which may benefit you and others in different ways.

Take Steve for example. His intention was to get up at the same time every morning and go to the gym to work out. By accomplishing this goal in the morning, he was able to relish in the after-effects of following his intention...

He writes, "First, I burned off 850 calories at the gym. If I keep up this routine, I'll get leaner. That's tangible and measurable. I can see the difference in the mirror and on the scale. Also, I can feel the difference from the metabolic boost and the endorphin release. I feel happy, I have lots of energy, and I'm motivated to work. Compare that with the results I'd get from sleeping in late, eating a crappy breakfast, and getting off to a sluggish start."

Sticking to his intention of doing this routine on a regular basis not only improves his lifestyle, but also resonates with him psychologically as he feels a sense of accomplishment and commitment to something that generates tangible results.

So many of us give up on our objectives because they are too hard to stick with. We get tired, make excuses, and deny ourselves the right to accomplish something lasting and good for us. Sticking to intentions and keeping your eye on your goal, will help you to keep going, despite your lack of motivation.

Just like when November hits in the school year and your intention to do well (from back in September) starts to fade, we as human beings also too-often give up half-way through the intention we have devoted ourselves to. Giving up, in itself, proves to be psychologically damaging to our self-esteem. In essence, we are giving up on ourselves. Stay consistent and positive about your goals by staying true to your intention. Make it a part of your everyday life and check in with yourself regularly. It will pay off in more ways than you think.

Find Your Calm: Keep your eyes on the prize.

Finding (and Keeping) Contentment

2010-10-14T17:07:00.004-04:00

I spoke with a friend recently who was extremely restless... with her entire life. She felt as though nothing was going her way, she didn't know what to do next with her life, and felt the need to make some sort of change to "fix" the problem in order to get on with her life, happily and with some sort of inspired path to follow.

Having felt this way before, I could definitely relate.

To cure my own restlessness I'd always look for immediate change - a quick fix in the form of a new hair style, a shopping spree, a quick living-room renovation... Like a hit of a drug, this fleeting feeling only lasts so long before you need another hit. It didn't matter, I was looking for anything to revitalize me in my helpless need for something more. What I had just wasn't enough for some reason. Though I couldn't put my finger on what exactly that "more" was, all I knew is that it was just missing.

In the midst of listening to my dear friend, and relating on so many levels, having 'been there, done that', I went for a different approach, something I'm trying to integrate into my own life these days, and it seems to be working magically. It is simply: contentment.

Although some think of contentment in a negative sense (settling for something mediocre), the actual meaning of contentment is finding satisfaction in the status quo; feeling SATISFIED with what you have (i.e. not looking around for anything else). If you Google the definition of 'contentment', one dictionary reads, "See also: Happiness, Joy." That says a lot! Contentment is a good thing.

Our society and culture breeds greed, the constant need for more. It's the American Dream. To make it big. The insatiable hunger for things just out-of-reach. (If you haven't noticed, this is how we got ourselves into this massive financial depression.) If you haven't seen the movie Wall Street 2, Money Never Sleeps, I'd highly recommend it if for nothing else than this very lesson.

So how do you actually find contentment and keep it, you ask? Look around you. Do you have family and friends that love you? Do you have food on the table? Are you alive and thriving? Most of us are taught to strive for more, more, more! Yet there is a magical calm that comes over you when you realize you have everything you need (and want) in your life already. It's all a matter of realizing it. The keeping it part is a little harder... that comes with a determination to remind yourself what is important in life, and to not continuously fall into the trap of throwing away something good, just to get a "better" version of it. If you get in that pattern, you will never be satisfied with what IS, you will always be looking for better. There is nothing wrong with striving for better, but if you have a closet full of clothes with the tags still on them and a pattern of breaking up with wonderful people because you are assured you can "do better", you have another thing coming to you.

I must say, since I "started", this whole contentment thing is working for me. I have had many periods in my life where I was always looking for the missing piece of the puzzle. Well I've certainly found it: it's contentment with what is, and the need to not change a thing, or look for more.

Despite my love of The Rolling Stones, they were wrong when singing "(Can't Get No) Satisfaction". It's standing right in front of you.

Find Your Calm: Find contentment and hold onto it with both hands.

Do Nothing

2010-09-27T18:02:00.008-04:00

I learned a great lesson today. It came about organically, as most lessons do, while having a conversation about a frustrating situation I was going through. The end conclusion was like a magic bullet to my conscience. A friend said to me: "Why don't you just try to let things progress before acting on them so quickly." - in essense, don't push things to move faster than they need to, let things ride out a little more before jumping on them - or in other words, DO NOTHING!

At first, this automatically sounds negative. But if you think about it, its really a great option for a lot of circumstances you might find yourself in: writing an email out of spite or anger, pushing a client to respond before they have had time to come to a positive conclusion to use your servives on their own, pushing a relationship along too quickly, feeling stressed or overwhelmed. In all these cases, the mantra "do nothing" applies.

Most of us think that being proactive is a positive thing. Being proactive, or acting in advance to deal with an expected difficulty, does not always act in our favor.

Patience is a virtue. It is often very hard to do nothing. Waiting and seeing is almost an impossible idea for me to grasp (I am very impatient), yet when practiced, it can both say and do so much on your behalf. Mastering the skill of patience, and dismissing instinctive anticipatory reactions, is beneficial for so many reasons.

One of my favorite quotes is, "When in doubt, don't". The same applies here: when you're not sure, do nothing. The answer, person or situation will eventually come around or work itself out the way its supposed to. You don't have to jump on it this very instant. Wait it out. See what happens.

Find Your Calm: Bide your time. Do nothing.

Find Comfort in Ritual

2010-09-22T14:33:00.008-04:00

I pass three Starbucks on my walk to the subway in the morning. I’m sure you’re not surprised. There are 175 Starbucks locations in Manhattan alone. That’s a lot of Starbucks! I am not a huge fan of their exorbitant prices for a “Tall Breakfast Blend” (basically the cheapest thing on the menu at a buck 85 for a cup o’ jo) or their mission to take over the world, one sip at a time. But I was taken aback when I read the recently-posted sign on their store-front window. It so poignantly read, “Take comfort in ritual”. I thought to myself, “So maybe THAT’S what their getting at”… some people find their morning Starbucks run to be ritualistic, and I was, for once in my life, happy with what Starbucks stood for.

I have a friend, Gary, who is a very nice guy. If I were to ask him what comforts him, one of his top choices would surely be food – namely Italian. (No offense Gary; you look GREAT!). He is surely a creature of habit, and that habit happens to be a little Italian restaurant in the village called Monte’s Trattoria. He is a regular, to say the least. It is his ritual to take his wife, two girls (and often many guests, business colleagues and customers) to this delicious family-run restaurant that welcomes him with open arms. It offers a soothing atmosphere, great company (life family!) and the most delectable Italian food you can find in NYC.

If there is one word to describe ritual, it is certainly comfort. Whether it’s practicing yoga, walking the dog around the reservoir each morning, or drinking that first cup of coffee on the subway on your way to work, ritual equals comfort, reassurance, calm, relief, tranquility...

I recently babysat for a friend’s cute little girl named Liv. Her mother, Deb, was very particular about Liv’s schedule during the day – when she eats, when she naps, when she needs to be changed… These were Liv’s daily rituals – they made her comfortable and streamlined her day. It was refreshing to see such an organized agenda, mainly because mine always feels so chaotic. Wouldn’t it be nice to be 2 again?!

The same can be said for any ritual that you practice. You might not even realize it is a ritual at all. According the Wikipedia, a ritual is is any set of actions, performed mainly for their symbolic value. My ritual is a regular bath before bed time. What does it symbolize to me? Relaxation, unwinding after a long day, escaping worry – all in all, comfort.

Some find comfort in religion or spirituality - these kind of ritualistic methods have been around since that beginning of time. They are rituals because they offer a special value to those that practice them.

To some, its a cup of Starbucks, to others, its Sunday mass. To each their own!

What is your ritual? And what does it symbolize to you?

Find Your Calm: Find comfort in YOUR own rituals.

Ruin is a Gift

2010-09-09T10:42:00.009-04:00

I saw the movie 'Eat Pray Love' last night. After having read the book at least 3 times, and attempting to see the movie 5 times, I finally watched it and fell in love with Julia Roberts' character. Not only because I could relate to her on so many levels, but also because she represents what a lot of us face at some point or another in our lifetime: ruin.

It may sound dire and depressing, but trials and tribulations are a part of life - we've all been there, whether we want to admit it or not. We fall on rough times, and what do we do? We deny it, hide it, and are told to go on living as if nothing hapenned.

Liz, the character in the movie played by Roberts, does the complete opposite, choosing to get out of her unhappy marriage and find herself (and her taste for life) again, by traveling to Italy, India and Bali.

There is one scene in particular during the movie that brings light to this subject of ruin.

“A friend took me to the most amazing place the other day. It’s called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came they trashed it along with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome’s first true great emperor. How could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would be in ruins? It’s one of the quietest, loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up around it over the centuries. It feels like a precious wound, a heartbreak you won’t let go of because it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we’re afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked around this place, at the chaos it has endured – the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured: maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”

Sitting and reflecting, she finds beauty in the ruins - and the aftermath of what some of these buildings have endured: chaos. Who has not faced chaos in their life? And through all of that, this bruised and battered structure seemed to have survived, beautifully, leaving behind a spectacular gift that remains even until this day. A quiet reminder that we are able to sustain life even after ruin, and come out, not unscathed, but still beautiful - better off - transformed. After catastrophic events, we have to change our course or sink in ruin. We can rebuild where we are, and be better for it.

Ruin shows us that life, no matter how rough, will lead us down a path that will teach us to endure, survive, and flourish.

Find Your Calm: Ruin is a gift.

Biting Off More Than You Can Chew

2010-09-07T10:37:00.003-04:00

As the summer comes to an end and we gear up for a new season, it is typical that we want to get a headstart and re-motivate for the start of what I like to think of as 'the new year'.

I always think of it this way because the start of a new school year always seemed to be the beginning of the year to me: a new grade in school, new school supplies, a fresh start on what might have gone awry on the report card the previous year. It's when we all want to start fresh and do our best - sharpened pencils and fresh notebooks in hand.

To me, the fall is very much like the beginning of a new school year: you pack your summer memories away, buckle down at work, and as it gets colder with each day, mentally prepare to be inside for a while.

It is often at these times, or any other 'starting point' in our lives, that our enthusiasm to get going is 'more than we can chew'. We psych ourselves up and quickly lose momentum, leaving our charisma by the wayside. Although its exciting and important to motivate, its just as essential to keep your energy level balanced so you don't fade halfway through, or even earlier.

With enthusiasm comes the desire to take on more than you might be willing to handle. Feeling overwhelmed is never fun, or useful.

In such cases, it is important to pace ourselves. Look at the situation logically and set realistic goals for yourself. There is no need to overwhelm yourself with tasks just because the moment strikes - this quickly leads to breakdowns.

Set your pace. Its different for each person. Look at how you've taken on challenges in the past and evaluate what's worked and what hasn't. Do you often get motivated and take on too much too soon just because you're excited about the prospects? Look at it logically and intentionally cut those tasks in half. No one is going to be able to set your pace but yourself because everyone runs on different energy levels.

If you do get overwhelmed and feel yourself quickly fading, take a step back and re-evaluate your priorities. Is your health and mental wellbeing more important than your career and income? Does family time take precedence over time spent on your blackberry? When you take time to set a pace that works for you, leaving you feeling both accomplished AND reserved at the end of the day - you have won. Lighten up on yourself. We often set our sights too high, and in turn bite off more than we can chew.

Find Your Calm: Bite off what you CAN chew and save the leftovers for another meal.

Transition Periods

2010-08-28T19:59:00.006-04:00

Transitions can be rough. There's just no way around it. Whether transitioning between schools, jobs, living situations or even seasons, it takes time to get used to something new.

If you aren't a huge fan of change, like myself, you probably recognize that road bumps along the way are inevitable: hesitation, discomfort, feeling in flux for a long stretch of time, even after the dust settles... all sensations that can hinder you from relishing in a great opportunity to start anew.

Sometimes transitions are made by choice, other times they are forced upon us (we lose a job, a parent becomes sick, work requires us to move to another country). Whether it is your choice or not, I believe that transitions can be made easier with one simple process: acceptance. I know what you're thinking: "Easier said than done." I agree.

I have found that the more you hesitate or fight against something, anything, that you do not want, the more frustration and discomfort you generate. For example if you really don't want to move to a new home, but your financial situation is forcing you to downsize without much choice, your first instinct might be extreme hesitation: "My new home won't be as spacious, ill have to get rid of my favorite chair, ill be forced to find a coffee spot that makes my morning mocha latte exactly the way I like it..." You get the jist.

The point is, the more you fight the change, giving attention to all the negative aspects that come along with it, the less you will enjoy what I like to refer to as, "unexpected opportunity" - the opportunity to relish in a new venture that was completely uncalled for.

One of my favorite quotes is, "What you resist, persists." Meaning, what you fight against, and give your attention to, will continue to nag, and continue to get worse, until you choose for it not to. In other words, by feeding the negative emotion, it continues to have power over you. The more attention you give to something - the more you ponder over it, think about it, lose sleep over it, and generally feel extremely annoyed for no good reason - the worst it will get. Trust me on this one. Distract yourself if you must, but don't allow your uncomfortable feelings persist longer than they have to. Stop resisting, and accept.

Transitions act much in the same way. Accepting what is, and allowing a transition to occur organically, without fighting it, allows you to ease into a new phase of your life without feeling tense.

Much of this tension also comes from a feeling of 'not knowing'. As human beings, we are taught to plan ahead, look out for pot holes, and be ready to fight when danger nears. It is in our blood. This doesn't mean you have to be scared of a transition, or what lies ahead.

What can help during uncomfortable times has much to do with what I try to practice on a regular basis: change the thought pattern that surrounds the situation, and in turn, change the perception of said situation. For example, turn fear into excitement! Get psyched about the transition you are about to face. Instead of looking at it as a fearful, annoying or unpredictable turn of events, look at it as an adventure that will lead you down a new, exciting and better path that you never would have had the chance to explore before. This is hapenning for a reason. Take on the challenge and give it your all. The more you believe this, really relish in it, and remind yourself of this concept, the less scary or uncomfortable it becomes. And I promise you, the more enjoyable it will be.

Find Your Calm: Turn fear into excitement and relish in your transition.

Risk Management

2010-08-16T19:37:00.009-04:00

Someone recently told me, "There is some element of risk in living your dreams."

This quote resonated with me. It got me thinking about the concept of risk - how some people are more prone to partake, and others are not.

I have never been one to gamble, either with life decisions, or at a blackjack table, but recently I have come to appreciate risk - both the element of excitement and benefit it can manifest - that is, if you allow it.

In the scope of "living your dreams", there is an obvious element of risk involved. One must consider risk as it concerns the deviation of one or more outcomes, or future results, in contrast to their expected value. The value of those results can be either positive or negative, however, we as human beings are more prone to consider the potential harm that may arise from taking a risk by either incuring a certain cost, or failing to attain a potential benefit.

Risk is a scary word. To me it invokes feelings of failure and downfall. But in reality, that's not always the case. Playing it safe has always been my MO. Recently, not so much. I have learned to take more of a chance, without considering the outcome 1,000 times, and to just do things already! Nike sure has it right. "Just do it."

The term, "Why risk it?" falls by the wayside when it comes to the opportunity to really live out the life you've always dreamed of. What are you really waiting for? Most of us spend our time waiting for the perfect scenario in order to make our dreams come true. We plan for the time when we have enough money, meet Mr. Right, lose that extra 10 pounds, or get to a certain age. The fact of the matter is, that "opportunity" you've been waiting for, might come at the most inopportune time of your life. Would you let it pass you by if it was staring you in the face? I sure hope not.

Risk, or the probability of SOMETHING (either good or bad) hapenning, comes with the territory. Hazardous as it may be, if you had the choice to live in complete bliss (living your dreams), or simply settling for mediocre results (playing it safe), which would you prefer in the long run?

Someone once asked me, "If you knew you could do no wrong, and money was no issue, what would you choose to do with your life?" I couldn't come up with an answer. How sad is that? Has anyone ever asked you that kind of queston? It's really hard to answer - I think mostly because we have all been trained to be so calculated with our lives. And when it really comes down to it, it's a little overwhelming - there are so many options! Whether what you choose is a risk or not, living out any kind of dream requires an element of chance. Are you willing to risk it all to be happy? It's up to you.

Find Your Calm: Manage your risk and live the life you're dreaming of.

Losing Momentum?

2010-08-14T19:56:00.011-04:00

Losing momentum is a big challenge when starting something new. We start off with a bang, super excited to get going, and are let down at the first sign of defeat.

Whatever it is you are facing at the moment, whether it be starting a new business, a personal relationship, a sport, or a hobby, keeping up your momentum and enthusiasm for said thing each and every day can be very hard sometimes, especially when you are not seeing the 'results' you desire.

Depending on the situation, there are a variety of ways to regain inspiration when you find yourself completely unmotivated to keep on going.

1. Remember that something inside of you brought you to this point initially: you were inspired to start a company of your own, someone special was brought into your life and you decided to pursue a relationship with this person, you wanted to take up golf and try to be really good at it... The point is, something brought you to this point. Don't forget that. Try to think of what exactly inpired you to get here initially, and remind yourself of that daily.

2. This is hard for a lot of people: You don't have to be perfect. If you are somewhat of a perfectionist like I am, you find it hard to accept 'OK' results, when you know you have the potential to be or do more. Oftentimes, the more you push yourself, the less momentum you get. Don't strive to be perfect at everything. If you're starting your own business and you make a mistake, go easy on yourself. Road bumps are part of the journey that make this ride so interesting. Let yourself fall - then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and continue on. Fit mishaps into your agenda; they are inevitable, and the more you accept them and brush them off, the quicker and more likely you are to push on with your pursuit.

3. One thing I am learning to become good at is taking a step back from things. Take a day or two, maybe even a week (or 3 months, like I did!) and don't think about this particular 'thing' that you are losing momentum over. It is easier said than done, of course, but if you are willing and able to step away to regain perspective, you will see things more clearly. Right not, you are most likely allowing your fear of failure to over-ride your emotions to the point that you are burnt out. When you run out of energy, are frustrated, or feel like you simply cannot keep going - step back for a bit. See how you feel when you do not deal with that certain thing for a while (job, relationship, hobby...). It will be very telling if you miss it or not, and also, what it is exactly you miss about it.

4. The process of stepping away will help you to realize the positive (and negative) aspects of your pursuit - this will enable you to both remove roadblocks that might be keeping you stuck in the mud, and also, remind you of what keeps you inspired and motivated in the future. For example, if you are in the midst of starting a new business, but find that you are losing motivation to keep on, take a few days away from it- really step away (turn the Blackberry off! Stop checking emails. Tell your clients you're taking a few days off.) - and see how you feel. Do you miss certain aspects of it? Perhaps it's the creative side of things, where you have an outlet to let yourself release? Or perhaps its the camaraderie and feeling of connectedness with those around you? Or even, feeling and being a part of something bigger than yourself? Whatever it may be, there is most likely something positive that will draw you back in. Focus on that strong characteristic and hone in on it whenever you feel pangs of defeat arising.

5. There will ALWAYS be days when you feel like giving up. Giving up is rarely, if ever, the best option. In fact, I hate the term 'giving up'. It is self-defeating and automatically makes you 'wrong'. Remove that phrase from your vocabulary altogether and replace it with something more uplifting: perhaps 're-evaluating', 're-charging your batteries', or simply 'trying it a different way' are terms that work better for you.

6. Give things time to grow. As they say, patience is a virtue. Planted seeds do not bloom into beautiful, full-grown roses over night. They take nurturing, attention and constant watching-over to become something beautiful. This same concept goes for your persuit. Be patient with it, and most importantly, with yourself. Learn to compromise, take things as they come, and transcend the impossible - if you are capable of dreaming it, you are capable of achieving it.

7. If there is, in-fact, a moment when you realize that your pursuit is really not working for you, try to accept the fact that perhaps now is not the right time to take on this kind of experience or challenge, whatever it may be. This does not make you, by any means, a failure - but give yourself the chance to see it through before letting go completely. There might be something there worth holding onto. Perhaps with a little tweaking, it will turn into something bigger than you even expected.

Find Your Calm: Don't lose your momentum

Downsizing Your Life

2010-07-25T09:29:00.005-04:00

I watched a show on "hoarders" the other day; those people that collect all sorts of stuff over the years and just can't seem to get rid of it. Their houses are filled to the brim with everything from antique knick-knacks to old pizza boxes - kind of disgusting, but interesting none-the-less.

Ironically, the day after watching that very show, it was time for me to begin the process of moving out of my beloved Murray Hill 1 bedroom apartment, and in the process, deciding what stayed... and what went in the garbage. In a way, it was a physical, mental and emotional cleansing of sorts. I was getting rid of stuff, baggage, that I was holding onto that I no longer needed. I was downsizing, and in effect, I was starting over.

That has pretty much been the theme of the last two months - starting over. When I left New York for a summer on the Cape, it was not so much to escape the life I had built in NYC, but to re-evaluate what was important to me, clean the slate, and start fresh with a new perspective (and less "stuff" holding me down).

Both giving up my tiny apartment, and in turn, cleaning out the space I once called home, was one step on the path to newness, and ironically quite therapeutic. I got out of my lease, sold all my furniture on Craigslist, threw away a ton of junk I didn't need... And held onto only the essentials, which were placed in a tiny storage unit on 21st street for safe keeping.

The most important part of the process for me was realizing how little physical "stuff" I actually need to be happy. Downsizing your life makes you evaluate what is really important to hold onto (family, friends, love, memories) and what you can survive without (old clothes you never wear, random coffee mugs, that pile of Vogue magazines collecting dust in the corner).

Now that I've downsized this part of my life, I am on a downsizing kick! I 'removed' over 500 friends on my Facebook account that I never / rarely talk to, or even know! I downsized my monthly bills for accounts/services I don't need. I downsized my mental and emotional need for unimportant things.

In his book, 'Living with Less: The Upside of Downsizing Your Life', author Mark Tabb says, "The only way to enjoy life is to choose to live with less, for less is more. Less stuff. Less activity. Less wanting more. Less of you. And less of me too."

Getting rid of physical stuff makes room for new things to enter your life. In effect, I feel like I am making room for my new life. When I move back to NYC in the fall, there will be plenty of freed up space for fresh ideas, clear thinking, new experiences and better 'stuff'. It is amazing what downsizing can do for a person.

Find Your Calm: downsize your life, free up space for something new.

Take Care of Yourself First

2010-07-20T11:09:00.011-04:00

Have you ever been so caught up in making sure everyone else around you is alright that you forget to check in with yourself and make sure you are feeling at your best? Perhaps you feel guilty taking care of your own needs because you don't want to let someone else down, or hear their disappointment when you aren't able to fully meet their needs, as they see fit.

I have come to realize that no one in this world is going to look out for your own best interest, or know you better, than yourself. You are the only only that knows your own limits, and has the ability to set your own boundaries. This takes a lot of courage.

If you are a people-pleaser like I am, you tend to cater to other's needs (possibly making you stressed and anxious-ridden) just in order to "keep up", all the while knowing in your heart of hearts that you need a break - downtime. Noticing the signs that you are not feeling 100% yourself, at your very peak of happiness and wellbeing, is a pretty good signal that something might be off - and you are not listening to your intuition.

I went to a dietician yesterday. She was extremely interesting to talk to, not only because I have thought about going into this field myself, but also because she explained to me the way the mind and body are connected, and how most of the time, your body is trying to tell you something, but you are not willing to listen. It is our innate stubborness, and most often our inability to let go of old habits and really listen to what our needs are.

What do you need to do for youself today to make yourself number 1? Make a list of everything that is annoying you, or eating away at you, or taking you away from YOU, and decide if you need to spend as much energy as you are, or any energy at all, worrying about that thing. You have two options: either let it go completely and release it from your life, allowing you to free up mental space for more important and fulfilling things in your life, or decide what needs to be done about it to make you feel more comfortable and in-sync with yourself. Depending on the situation, you are bound to come up with a variety of ways to "handle" it.

For once, take the path that suits YOU best, without thinking of how others might react. For example, they might get mad at you if you decide not to follow through on dinner plans that night. Take that risk and allow them to be mad, knowing you are being true to yourself. You might need to get some rest, and meet your OWN needs after a long day of work. If I have learned one thing throughout this process, its not to push yourself too hard. The harder you push, the more burnt out you yet - and that helps nobody.

Find Your Calm: Put yourself first.

Excuses Begone!

2010-07-16T08:35:00.007-04:00

I have noticed an influx in information recently about people changing careers. Whether in the news, people talking amongst themselves, magazine articles, TV specials, etc, the topic is everywhere! Maybe its my super-sensitivity to the subject due my nack for change these days, specifically career-wise, or maybe its the way the economy is turning everyone on their toes. Regardless, I have never seen such a desire for change at one time.

It's as if people finally have an excuse to make the much-needed change they crave in their lives! Whether its changing jobs, changing locations, or changing habits, now seems to be the time do it. Why do we wait for an excuse to make a change instead of just doing it already?

A friend of mine was recently "let go" from a job she was not thrilled with. I asked her if she was upset and she replied, "Are you kidding me?! It's the best thing that's ever hapenned to me! Now I can finally go back to school and pursue my dream of becoming a nurse!" I was pleased, yet shocked with her response. Why did she wait to be let go in order to pursue her dream? I am not one to speak...

I was once miserable with my situation, career-wise. I would complain constantly about how much I wanted OUT. Once I reached the end of my rope and left my corporate job in PR, I was told multiple times, "Now is a better time than any to make a change!" I never believed it was possible until I actually took the plunge and quit. After I actually did the deed, I took that advice of others to heart and decided, after a few weeks of shock that I had actually DONE it, to start my own business. It was the best thing I ever did. I never thought I could survive without the stability that a corporate setting offered me, but here I am, thriving on my own and much happier because of it. Who would have thought? Not me!

We often cling to things that are comfortable out of fear of change, and more frequently, fear of failure. Let me tell you: if you don't want to fail, you will not allow yourself to! If I have learned one thing throughout the last two months, it is exactly that. I refuse to fail now. I was terrified before, scared to jump ship. Yet change often brings forth a new energy in us, a passion that unfolds the moment we are set free to do what we actually want to do with our lives.

Don't wait for an excuse to make the changes you crave. Bite the bullet and do it, if for no one else than yourself.

Find Your Calm: Be true to yourself and youwill never fail.

Letting Answers Come To You

2010-07-15T16:13:00.012-04:00

I had a major writing block this week (thus my lack of blog posts since Monday). It's not necessarily that I have nothing motivating to write about, but more simply that I have so much else going on that I haven't taken the time to tune in and listen, and in turn, write a post on something meaningful.

Between starting a new company, keeping clients happy, subletting an apartment, finding a new home, staying on top of finances and keeping relationships afloat, I seem to have been spending less time recently on "finding my calm", which is basically what I took the summer off to do!

Instead of enjoying the moment, I am already planning 2 months in advance, and basically driving myself crazy in the process.

It all caught up with me yesterday when it hit me how much I actually have to get done by the end of the summer, an impending date that I am now dreading simply because of the things that need to be lined up between now and then. The list above seems daunting, and, as a typical "planner", I search for immediate answers. I hate having too many balls up in the air at once. I like to have things completely lined up, ready to go, with nothing lingering. If anything, I would call it extreme impatience. I have been told this many-a-time ;)

Not that there is anything wrong with planning, but as the famous saying goes, "life is what happens when you are busy making other plans." This morning I caught myself drilling out emails to potential subletters, when a friend of mine sent me an article (or as I like to think of it, a sign from God) which I read, smiling. Without even mentioning how I was feeling to my friend, the article popped up in my inbox with an "omg this is amazing - read this article!" title.

The article highlighted an all-important lesson, summed up so beautifully in one sentence: "There's nothing wrong with focusing on the future. But I realized that my obsession with how [things] were going to look in the years ahead made me not appreciate the small steps toward the beauty they were already taking."

I am a firm believer in the power of patience (it is a virtue after all), although I seem to be very out of practice these days! This afternoon, I asked myself, "What's the rush?". I am reminded daily, by my mother, my boyfriend, my friends... "You have time to figure all this out, its only mid-July!". It's true.

I am learning to be patient, and instead of pushing, just letting the answers come to me. It is often true that the moment you stop thinking about something, grinding it up in your mind so minutely until it turns to sand, you waste a lot of time and energy on things that you have no control over in the moment. What's the point?

I have decided to take up patience today, and see where it leads me. I have taken a vow to wait certain things out a few days and just go with the flow. The summer is not over, and there are many more beach visits to be had, BBQ's to throw, and weekend trips up the coast to take.

Find Your Calm: Allow things to come to you. The answers will arrive when you stop seeking them out.

Put Your Blinders On

2010-07-12T11:11:00.003-04:00

Have you ever had feelings of discouragement in the midst of accomplishing an important life goal? Do you tend to listen to the opinions and feedback of others and doubt your ability to achieve something important to you? Have you ever been on a roll, or on such a high from the things you are trying to accomplish, just to have your motivation bashed by the simple words of another?

I have often been in a place where I take the opinions of others to heart, dismissing my own motivation and incentive because someone else implies, "Are you crazy? You can't do that!"

Over the past few months, in the midst of starting my own business, I have learned to rely on my own sense of self-esteem as a catalyst to achieve my goals and dismiss feeling the negative impact of other's adverse feedback. It takes a lot of self esteem and confidence in yourself to be able to detach from other's points of view and follow your own instincts and happiness.

This is where the title of my post comes in, "Put Your Blinders On." I have always loved this phrase and often think of it when I am in this exact position. It basically means, tune out what's going on around you, as if you are a race horse with blinders on, and focus on racing toward your own goal. Blinders are used for racehorses during races to keep them from being distracted from the horses next to them - keeping their eyes on the finish line and not on their menacing competition.

Try your best not to be discouraged by the negative feedback of others, or rely on them for their support. Don't even ask their opinions, if need be. Surround yourself with supportive, like-minded people who encourage your goals and sustain your sense of confidence; it will feed your motivation, keep you on track, and allow you to continue to your road to success by accomplishing your goals without feeling disheartened.

Find Your Calm: Put Your Blinders On

Avoid Burnout

2010-07-09T11:13:00.008-04:00

I received this quote from a friend of mine this morning. It is the inspiration for today's post...

"People, please pace yourselves these next couple of weeks. We’re in the midst of the toughest time of the year. Lots of wrecks, firings and outbursts. Spiritually, it’s as if there is no ozone layer, and we’re getting fried. Today, find a way to release the steam that doesn’t involve hitting your kids, your spouse or your furniture. Unfortunately, I’m not joking. It’s easy to destroy now. But if you work at understanding what’s driving you, and recognize when you’re getting burnt and look underneath for the cause, there will be a lot of healing of issues that have trailed you for lifetimes."

It is often hard to pace ourselves when we have so much going on in our lives. Keeping up with career, family, friends, finances, and the like, I often find myself constantly covering up holes than actually being able to be proactive and project my goals for the future. I am always playing catch up! Do you find yourself doing the same thing?

It's easy to get caught up in the rat race and become overwhelmed with responsibility. These days, our culture breeds over-productivity. Constantly being "linked in" (via Blackberries, wireless internet, cell phones, iPads...) it's becomes easy to be overloaded with information, whether you like it or not!

Getting fried is not uncommon in today's economic standing. I cannot tell you how many stories I've heard of people getting completely burnt out due to overload of responsibilities at the workplace. Employers are draining their staff because they want to get the most bang for their buck (understandable, but not the best option!). Rather than hire more people to help out, they exhaust the commodities of their current employees in order to keep their businesses alive; employees resent it, and/or, get completely burnt out. The problem comes when the employee is scared to admit this in order to keep their job, all due to fear of finding another one in such a tough job market.

I spoke with a friend of mine yesterday who works in real estate - he said, "It's worse than ever out there. There are NO jobs." The more you hear that, the more willing people are to stick with a job, despite their exhaustion and need for a break. It's a tough situation.

It is not only work that can cause us to burn out - it's the combination of every responsibility we choose to take on in our lives. Now, more than ever, the expectations we place on ourselves is extremely overwhelming.

Going back to the quote above, the part I like the best is: "...recognize when you’re getting burnt and look underneath for the cause, there will be a lot of healing of issues that have trailed you for lifetimes."

I do think it's true that there are a few underlying causes for burnout, all of which I can relate to:
1. We expect too much from ourselves - try to recognize your limits, and set firm boundaries for what you are willing to tolerate in terms of responsibility, attitudes, relationships, etc. Every part of your life requires a limit. You are the only one that knows yourself well enough to know that fine line.

2. We are scared to stand up for ourselves - we are often terrified of making changes, making mistakes, and most of all, letting other people down. The only person you are letting down by sticking to a situation that is making you burnt out is yourself. If you are coming to the end of your rope, don't be scared to say something. Unfortunately, people will take advantage of your good nature until you are willing to stand up for yourself and make a statement (you can do it in a nice way!). Taking care of yourself and your mental and physical wellbeing is paramount in life.
3. Our society breeds high expectations - we are caught in the middle of a rat race, expected to keep up: go to the best school, get the best job, make the most money, live in the best home, marry the best spouse, have the best kids... there is a true sense of competition that is innately ingrained in our brains. We are constantly trying to outdo our "neighbors" in hopes that it will fulfill our lives and grant us complete happiness.

Try to put less pressure on yourself today and incorporate this mindset moving forward. By expecting less of yourself and those around you, and setting boundaries that are comfortable for you, you will begin to recognize your limits more, in-control of your limits, and in-tune with your own goals for a fulfilling life. That does not always include being number 1 at everything! Most importantly (I cannot stress this enough) take time for the things that bring you joy. Instead of trying to constantly keep up, recharge your batteries with feel-good activities that allow you to disconnect and enjoy life.

Find Your Calm: Avoid burnout.

If It Feels Good....

2010-07-07T20:31:00.008-04:00

A very wise friend told me something profoundly simple recently. It's clear, to-the-point and really speaks volumes. Here it is:

"If it feels good, do it. If it doesn't feel good, don't do it."

If you are looking for a way to simplify your life... a way to create less drama and generate more of that which feels "good", I would recommend starting with this basic mantra above. Repeat it to yourself if you must!

It's amazing how quickly we settle for things that don't necessarily make us "feel good" because we think we have to, or should. Should, mind you, is a very dangerous word. I would recommend eliminating it from your vocabulary altogether. There is nothing you SHOULD be doing. By saying should, you are automatically telling yourself that you were wrong, are wrong, or will be wrong in relation to whatever it is you are talking about - it's never good to be "shoulding".

My own way of doing things that don't make me feel good is by putting other peoples needs before my own. Doing this often takes away from my own sense of wellbeing, because I am focusing on making the other person happy in order to please them. On the same note, I am quick to apologize for things I didn't necessarily do wrong in order to avoid conflict. I am a people pleaser, so to speak. Often, I am told this is a red flag of lack of self-esteem. Uh oh. Needing to please others before yourself subconsciously degrades your sense of self-worth. It is an interesting concept.

Now ask yourself, do you do things that you don't necessarily like because you feel like you have to? Do you carry on with a job you hate because you feel like you need to? Do you try to keep up with the Jones' because everyone else is and you feel that you should too? Do you stay in a relationship that is no longer satisfying your true needs?

I read a great book recently about this exact topic. The book itself focused more on finding happiness and stength in a career sense, yet all of the topics discussed are easily transferable to other parts of your life. The book is called "Find Your Strongest Life," by Marcus Buckingham. It teaches you the importance of noticing those things in your life which make you happy, and creating MORE of those moments in your life, ultimately weeding out all things that you hate, or that drag you down.

There is a strong emphasis on being able to recognize those things that actually spark a sense of happiness within you (whether its as menial as making a to-do list for your day and checking off each thing on that list, or making an amazing dinner for your friends, or just being around a terrific person that you adore) - these moments are what make up your life, and the more of them you have, the stronger, and more fulfilling your life will be. That IS the ultimate goal, right? The general rule is to be able to recognize even the smallest things throughout your day, notice them, and make a point of generating more of those feel-good moments. Seek them out!

As simple as it is, if you follow this simple rule, you will ultimately create more good things in your life - sounds simple enough, right? I am a huge advocate of the law of attraction. As new-agey as it might be, it's worked wonders for me; I believe in the power of intention. The more you focus on positive, uplifting, motivating moments and aspects of your life (ie. things that make you feel good!) the more good will inevitably come into your life. Good breeds good. Amazing things will be attracted to you, like a magnet!

Find Your Calm: If it feels good, do it. If it doesn't feel good, don't do it.

Pick Your Battles

2010-07-07T11:50:00.006-04:00

My mother always has a great way of looking at things. One of the phrases I always remember her saying while growing up was, "pick your battles". In other words, be selective in what you choose to stand up for, because most of the time, those "battles" you choose to fight aren't worth the effort, energy or time. Basically, they are silly things that we get caught up in.

Conflict is inevitable, but it is best to take a step back and regain perspective of what's really important; that little battle you are fighting, is often not worth the fight in the grand scheme of things.

Why do so many of us waste so much time battling things that, later, seem so ridiculous? Well, for one, we rarely, if ever, see the thing we fight for as a waste of time. We live in narrow strips of time, and in that time all of our battles are of paramount importance. We spend little time on strategic planning, and most of it in the fog of war. We often fight to force our views on others, whether they are inclined to accept our views or not.

What about those every day little struggles that we all engage in constantly? What does it mean to 'pick your battles' there? Who will teach us to identify the sensless battles in our everyday life? In this case there is an obvious answer. But, unfortunately, it's not one we like to think about. Here's a question to help move things along... What if you knew that you only had 24 hours to live? I bet a lot of those little battles would be dropped immedietely. Am I right?

Some people find that if you pick your battles well, you can neutralize problems along the way as you address the most important issues first. Prioritize what is most important, and most of all, don't waste precious time and jeopardize a situation or relationship over something silly, that at the end of the day, doesn't matter anyway.

Find Your Calm: Pick your battles.

You CAN Do Anything

2010-07-01T08:53:00.007-04:00

My mother forwarded me a very powerful and inspirational video from youtube a few days ago and I was brought to tears; it was such a nice story.

A little background before you watch: A son says to his father: 'Dad, would you be willing to run a marathon with me?' The father, despite his age and a heart disease, says YES'. And they run that marathon, together. The son asks: 'Dad, can you run another marathon with me?' Again the father says 'YES'. They run another marathon, together. One day the son asks his father: 'Dad, would please do the Iron Man with me?' Now just in case you don't know, 'The Iron Man' is the toughest triathlon in existence; a 4km swim, then 180km bike ride, and finally another 42 km run. Again his Dad says 'YES'. Maybe this doesn't touch your heart yet... until you see this little clip (put the sound on).

I hope you watch it and realize that anything really is possible. You never know where life will lead you, or what bumps you will come to in the road, but having things in perspective will always keep you grounded.

Remember that you really CAN do anything if you put your mind to it. You are in complete control of your own life. Don't let anything hold you back. Believe in yourself and your abilities, and ignore the naysayers.

We are often too scared to take risks, attempt challenges and jump hurdles because we are 1. too lazy to do so, 2. don't believe in ourselves enough / believe other's opinions more than our own, and 3. are terrified of making a mistake and falling down. These are all excuses that lead us NOWHERE. I would much rather take a risk with the potential of falling down (and perhaps getting a few "i told you so's!") than just being complacent with my lot in life.

Challenge yourself. You never know what you will learn, and how far it can take you. The more you push yourself to do the things that you believe in, and are passionate about, the more the universe will correspond with the nature of your song. Go for it - and reap the rewards of knowing that you gave it your all!

Find Your Calm: Try anything you've ever wanted to try.

The Perfect Bath

2010-06-29T16:52:00.007-04:00

I have recieved a few special requests about how to create the perfect bath. It just so happens that baths are my specialty, as I take them at least 4-5 times a week as a pre-bedtime ritual. They are one of my top 10 most calming things, and quite honestly, where I tend to do a lot of my thinking and find a lot of my inspiration.

Baths are both an inexensive and easy way to relax after a long day. It doesn't take much effort, you can do it in the privacy of your own home, and best of all, you can make it "yours".

Key elements to the perfect bath:

Silence: First things first; let it be known to kids, roommates, husband, etc, that you will be bathing and will need 30-60 minutes of quiet time. That's a non-negotiable! Then either enjoy the simple sound of nothing, or bring in a stereo to play your favorite tunes. I wouldn't recommend trying to listen to your iPod via earphones (I've tried, it wasn't pretty).

A Beverage: Let's be honest: I prefer a nice glass of pinot noir, yet this selection is completely up to you. Something soothing that will relax you is key. If you don't drink, try tea, perhaps even a nice chamomile which is known for its soothing benefits.

Candles: I love candles. Anywhere. But when it comes to a bath, they create a nice ambiance. Don't go nuts here - you only need one or two, you don't want to burn the bathroom down, OR make the room too bright. If you prefer scented candles, I would highly recommend lavendar it's scent is proven to have relaxing benefits.

Water Temperate: When it comes to the relaxation of one's bath, temperature is key, and can be set to one's needs. Some like their baths to be very hot. Others luke warm. I prefer to start warm, and adjust the water temperature by leaving the water from the tap running slightly (also a soothing effect) so that if I get too hot / too cold, I can adjust the temp accordingly.

Bubbles: Who doesn't love bubbles? It's almost the best part of the bath! When it comes to bubbles, two things are key: bang for your buck (ie. the amount of bubbles produced per pour) AND lastability. Don't be fooled by higher-priced products that promise you the "ultimate bubble experience", because they are most likely lying. I have found some of my best bubbles at the 99 cent store! (No joke). Also, there are the tried and true kids versions that are build to last, such as Mr. Bubbles. If you're looking for a quality product, you can't go wrong with this guy. As with anything in life, I find value in mixing high and low end items to meet your needs - it doesn't have the be the most expensive "designer" brand to work! Test different items out and see what you like best.

Salts: I LOVE Epsom salts. I probably go overboard when it comes to this element because I just adore the effect they have on sore muscles and tension after a long day. They really do work wonders! You can buy an ample supply of Epsom salt for about $4 at your local drug store. They are normally in the "medical supplies" section near the bandages and rubbing alcohol (don't be alarmed! They can be used for medical purposes as well.) Having too much adrenalin in your body due to stress and tension can result in a low magnesium level. Stress can be caused by a deficiency of magnesium in your blood. Soaking in a bath of epsom salts may allow magnesium to be absorbed through the skin; magnesium then attaches to serotonin, a mood-enhancing hormone, and helps to relax you. It can also lower your blood pressure, improve your concentration and help you sleep. These salts have other beneficial qualities as well, such as easing of muscles and cramps, detoxification of the skin and body cells, assisting your digestive system, healing of wounds, among others!

I was lucky enough to recieve some lovely bath salts all the way from Germany from my sister, Meg. She recently travelled there, and knowing my obsession with baths, brought me back the perfect calming gift, Sea salts with rosemary - divine! I used them immedietely that evening. They are available from the Celtic Herbal Company ( ) and I would highly recommend them!

Oils: For normal to oily skin, add 1-2 teaspoons of almond, olive or sunflower oil to the water; for oily skin, use a gentle bubble bath instead (if you are out, dish soap works in a pinch - and a pinch is all you really need too!). I wouldn't recommend this normally, as it can be harsh on the skin, but I've definitely been there. Desperation is killer, eh?

Comfort: Grab a soft towel to fold behind your head.

Moisturize: When you are finished with your bath, towel off and be sure to apply moisturizer - skin is most receptive to lotion post shower or bath as it soaks in more easily to warm, damp skin. Because I am a big fan of taking my baths right before I hop into bed, I like moisturizers that contain the most soothing ingredients to put me to sleep. My most favorite moisturizer post-bath, pre-bed, is Aveeno Stress Relief Moiturizer with lavender and oatmeal. It has the most heavenly scent and will make your skin silky smooth (not sticky) before getting under the covers.

Though baths are great for the mind and soul, if you soak too long, too often, it can be a little stressful on the skin, especially if it's sensitive.

Now, go on - gather your bath essentials now so you will be able to relax in the tub right when the mood strikes you!

Find Your Calm: Take a bath.

Find Your Calm T-Shirts Now Available!

2010-06-28T21:17:00.009-04:00

Email me at findyourcalm@gmail.com to place an order! Prices are $14.99 plus S+H for adult sizes, and $9.99 plus S+H for kid's sizes.

Financial Peace of Mind

2010-06-28T12:55:00.007-04:00

Everyone can use some financial guidance from time to time. When it comes to someone in their mid-twenties (me), financial security becomes a main concern when building one's future, whether single, or in a relationship. I believe in having a secure financial foundation either way, and being able to stand on your own two feet when it comes to monotary success and peace of mind. There is nothing quite like being able to take care of yourself and be independent.

When I graduated from college, I was "cut off", so to speak, and sent on my way to enter the big bad working world with no savings and butterflies in my stomach. Of course I knew my parents were always there to fall back on in case of extreme emergency, but I was raised and taught as a young adult to hold my old - and so I did (and wanted to!)

It was certainly a struggle at first. I remember eagerly moving to the big apple one month after graduation with an entry level job in PR (something I had NO idea how to do at the time) making $400 a week. My rent was $900 a month, plus utilites and bills, so you can imagine the extreme budgeting that was put into place. I remember eating a lot of speghetti with my 2 roomates in our tiny (yet adorable) Gramery Park apartment, and relying on PBR's and $9.99 Popov vodka / orange juice drinks prior to going out to bars so we wouldn't have to spend $12 on a cocktail. If we were lucky (and looked cute enough that night) we could usually score a couple of beers from the preppy boys at the bar (some minor flirting might have been involved). Those were the good old days! My mother and father are probably proudly reading this now (shaking their heads in disappointment.) Don't worry guys, I turned out OK.

Looking back, I was thankful for the "struggle" because I know a lot of people who have it much worse off. Learning to spend the money I had was a big wake up call. No more nice dinners out on Saturday nights, and certainly no shopping sprees. That's when I entered the fashion world and discovered the wonderful benefits of free clothing samples! Although I was eating Ramen noodles for lunch, at least I was dressed in thousand dollar designer clothing while doing so. When you're a girl, sometimes looking good matters THAT much.

With time comes experience, and with experience comes promotions. When you are young and eager, time flies by, and you make your way up the corporate ladder - somehow. With that comes more a decent-sized paycheck and the ability to get a manicure once in a while.

5 years later, I am still very careful with my money. I have a monthly budget that keeps me living comfortably, not extravagently, because you never know when all that might be taken away from you. Now that I am working freelance, and dont have a regular paycheck, I've learned the ebb and flow of this kind of work. The more you motivate yourself, the more comes your way. The hard part is finding that energy within yourself to seek out jobs and do them well! Once you have it down to a system, its a pretty nice lifestyle, I must admit; one I might keep up with for a while. One thing that always bothered me about the corporate world was sitting slumped behind a desk all day. I always vowed to myself that I would leave that kind of stark working environment at some point - and here I am, writing a blog post, poolside in Cape Cod on a beautiful sunny day. Who would have thought? Some dreams really do come true.

Back to financially stability... you can give yourself more control of your financial future. I was in Bank of America depositing a few checks yesterday when I came accross a brochure that "spoke to me". I snatched it up and read it from cover to cover. It had come very revelant, very poignant information, all written in layman's terms, which made me wonder: Gosh I guess the general public really needs help on how to manage their money if brochures like this are plastered in every corner of Bank of America (and every other bank I visit from time to time).

And so, in honor of financial peace of mind, here are some innovative solutions to help you get started. By taking a fresh look at how you spend your money and taking control of where your money actually goes, you can put yourself in the position to achieve your goals.

1. Get back on track. Many people keep a budget in their head. Probably because it seems easier to just guesstimate how much money you have. However, being more deliberate about budgeting gives you the comfort of knowing exactly where you money is and can help you avoid pitfalls that can get you off track.

2. Begin with a budget building block. It seems simple, but you shouldn't spend more than you make. Your take-home pay, after taxes, social security, flexible spending account allocations and 401(k) deductions, should be the basis for your spending plan.

3. Know your fixed expenses. Your rent or morgage, car payment, utilities and other monthly bills (cell phone, gym membership, cable bill) probably make up the bulk of your expenses. Look back at your past bank statements to get an idea of what you spend and identify where you might be able to save.

4. Track your daily spending. Save all your reciepts, write down purchases in a notebook, or look at your transactions using online banking, then tally your own expenses by category at the end of each week. This will help you understand how much you spend on unplanned purchases every month.

5. A budget is key. A budget is essential if you want to break the cycle of living month-to-month and start focusing on the big picture. Think of it as a spending plan that you can control. While it may seem challenging at first, you'll find that when you've living on a budget, you'll actually spend less time thinking about your money.

6. Find room to save. By sticking to a budget, you can start to free up a little extra cash to put away each month. It doesn't have to be much - it's the habit of saving tha'ts important. Setting up a savings plan you can live with and discovering ways you can supplement it will go a long way towards building confidence in your money management, and help you stay on track. Open a savings account and pay yourself first (take a little out of each paycheck for a rainy day or short term goal). Also, save with everyday purchases (do you really need that venti mocha latte or can you survive on office coffee, which is free!)?

7. I am also a big fan of cutting coupons (don't judge me). You can save a ton of money this way! Just make sure you use the coupons on purchases you actually make on a regular basis. Just because you have a coupon for 10% off that new George Forman Grill, doesn't mean you need to buy it! Sales are dangerous that way too. I hear my friends say "But it's such a good price!". It might be a steal, but do you really need another pair of black sling-back sandals? Be practical.

Find Your Calm: find financial peace of mind.

Keep Calm and Carry On

2010-06-25T08:33:00.010-04:00

I remember seeing this poster (above) in Domino magazine when it was first introduced a couple of years ago. I snatched one up right away. Sadly, the magazine has since folded, but I still LOVE this poster.

The original concept was first produced by the British government in 1939 during the beginning of World War II, to raise the morale of the British public in the case of invasion. It was little known and never used. The concept was rediscovered in 2000 and has been re-issued by a number companies. The British company that recently capitalized on this concept has a variety of products now: http://www.keepcalmandcarryon.com/

The poster says it all, and was the motivation for today's post. Keeping calm in the center of a storm, or the anticipation of one, is the key to a balanced life. Do you get frustrated with yourself throughout the day because you've gotten stressed, unfocused or agitated? Are you tired of getting over-emotional and worn out?

Here are some examples of ways to stay calm and reduse stress in your day-to-day life:

1. Catch yourself when you exhibit feelings or behaviors you dont like and change them immedietely. Decide how you want to handle yourself in the situation and the attitude you want to exude (towards yourself, and others).

2. Stay centered by re-focusing throughout the day. Develop the habit of noticing your mindset throughout the day. Check in with yourself and see how you are feeling. Perhaps you need to step away and take a quick walk to have a water break when your immediate circumstances are causing tension. Before it even gets to that point, make the point of taking breaks throughout the day to keep yourself balanced, emotionally and psychologically. Take a few moments away from it all (in the bathroom stall if you must!) and just close your eyes and breathe. Focus on NOT thinking for a few minutes and concentrate on your breathe. It's okay to not think for a few minutes! Your work will be okay if you leave it there alone for a little bit.

3. Keep your expectations in check. You are setting yourself up for failure, upset and frustration when you set too many standards as to how you think things should be? Think about what normally leads to you getting upset and stressed. Ask yourself, how important is it that they be exactly that way? Is it worth getting myself worked up about? Choose which expectations are really important for you to hold on to and which ones are not. Holding on to too many expectations just complicates your life, with constant judgment.

4. Delegate. This can be applied to work life as well as your personal life. For various reasons, many of us have developed the habit of thinking we must do it all ourselves. Are you sure there are not other people who can assist you. Are the other people in your life pulling their weight?

5. See yourself as part of one unit in this world. As you separate yourself from the rest of mankind, you unknowingly create thinking and behavior that separates you from others. This kind of separate thinking leads us to believe we are superior to others, which leads to judgment as well as selfish thinking and behavior. We are then having an internal battle with others, which brings on fear, competition and comparison, ending in frustration and anxiety. Try to see yourself as one with all of mankind, not as separate.

Staying calm is possible in any situation if you are in tune with your emotions and interaction with your circumstances.

Find Your Calm: Keep calm and carry on.

Procrastination

2010-06-24T10:34:00.008-04:00

I am the queen of procrastination. Despite my love of to-do lists and organizing, actually getting those things done takes a little more effort. Often, more effort than I'd like.

When I woke up this morning, I felt like I had a million things on my to-do list to complete. It is a list of pure procrastination and it bogs me down. Enough already! I am certainly not getting anywhere by avoiding it. I am dedicating my day to completing unfinished business. And I invite you to do the same. Perhaps you can relate to the to-do list that stares back at you, or the list of phone calls you've been putting off, or the errands you can't quite motivate to get done.

I have taken on some freelance work recently, as I have some time off this summer. It is a great way to learn the basics of motivating oneself to get things done. Not only because someone else is counting on you (and paying you for your work) but also because you are building an image for yourself and don't want to let yourself down. It's been a great lesson and has taught me the dangers of procrastinating. I find myself motivating myself to get up earlier to get some work done so I still have time to enjoy other things I love to do (like go to the beach!).

For some inspiration to write this blog post, I actually got an email out of the way this morning that took all of 10 minutes to write. I got out of bed, poured myself some coffee, and wrote the damn thing. Now that it's done I feel extremely accomplished today already! Sometimes its the anticipation of doing something that creates more angst than actually doing it.

I encourage you to motivate today and jump over the hurdle of procrastination to get something done that you have been putting off. Starting off your day by completing what would normally be an annoying task creates energy and momentum for the day. Prioritize your day by completing things that you want to do the LEAST. Get them over with first, and see how much energy you can draw in as you clear space for yourself! It will most likely motivate you to get the rest of your list done with ease.

Most of us put off menial tasks because we dont want to deal with them in the moment. That phone call that will take all of 5 minutes can eat away at you all day, and you can continue to put it off, or you can make it a priority and get it done now, and not worry about it for the rest of the day.

It's easy to come up with a million excuses as to why something can "wait until tomorrow", but the weight of having that task linger is more detrimental to your wellbeing than just simply getting it done right away.

Find Your Calm: Finish your unfinished business.

Unexpected Adventure: The Bronx

2010-06-22T17:29:00.018-04:00

There are a variety of places in the city that I would rarely think of visiting. I was pleasantly surprised when I was introduced to a magical location off the West Side Highway in the Bronx on a drive back to the big city from Cape Cod: "The Hand Car Wash".

I would normally never consider the Bronx as a place to 'find my calm'. Rap-music-blasting SUV Escallades and Peurto Rican cat calls come to mind. When my mother exclaimed, 'Oh let's stop in the Bronx to get our car washed at The Hand Car Wash!", I was a little taken aback, but fully impressed by her knowledge of the undiscovered gem.

To my suprise, my very conservative, preppy mother (straight out of the Upper East Side), was greeted lovingly by the Mexicans that work the joint with handshakes and kisses on the cheek. (obviously she's a regular). I believe Juan even commented on her 'lovely' Lilly Pulitzer ensemble, in broken English. True gentlemen I tell ya.

This classy establishment not only has the best hand car wash in town, but also a plethora of very special perks, one of which includes Pedro the juicer (another dear friend of my mothers). Random. I know.

Pedro

I was intruiged (and thirsty) so took a risk on his sketchy looking fruit station. He worked his juicing magic for me, slicing up 5 oranges and squeezing them into slurpable heaven. He explained his specialty was orange juice mixed with canned Carnation milk. I was tempted, but stuck with the lower-cal non-milk version. He was still pleased with my choice. But even more so when asked to be photographed. "Una mas", I said, as his buddies gathered to be part of the last photo.

Pedro in Action

Quite the Juicing Expert

Don't be turned off by the shopping cart set up - he has a very lucrative business going for himself (I'm even thinking of opening up one up myself). His fresh-squeezed OJ beats Jamba Juice any day. 4 bucks for a large freshly squeezed beverage. Not bad. The service and experience alone were worth it.

This locale is not only home to the famous car wash, but also a very popular jaunt for the locals in town. They enjoy showing off their (very shiny, very expensive) luxury cars and hollering at their buddies as they roll down the street, bass blasting. Its a very friendly place to be, I must say.

Just like there is the garment district in Manhattan, I dub this the tinted window shop district of the Bronx. I don't think you'd have a problem finding any shop on the row to meet your window tinting needs. Trust me. There were at least 14 vedors in plain view.

You can find The Hand Car Wash and Pedro's famous shopping cart juice stand right off of Dykman Avenue of on the WSH. Highly recommended for a summertime refreshment, and the most fantastic car wash around (and tinted windows, should you be so inclined).

Find Your Calm: Think outside the box. Visit the Bronx.

Pyschological Crutches

2010-06-20T10:20:00.009-04:00

I am back in New York City for the weekend. I forget how different city life and beach life are sometimes, but I must admit, despite my itch to get back to the ocean, there are a lot of interesting, dynamic, diverse and inspiring people in this town, one of which gave me motivation for today's blog post.

I was speaking to my parent's doorman, Robert, this morning over coffee. I was up quite early and decided to sit and chat with him as he seemed extremely bored. He is a normally a very quiet and reserved man, but it seemed as though he was in need of some real human interaction on this desolate summer Sunday in June, when most people escape the city for greener (cooler) pastures.

Once we got talking, we came to a point of very interesting conversation: Robert's unhappiness with his situation in life. I was both surprised and honored that Robert would trust me enough to discuss such a sensitive subject with me, but I think, because he is so quiet, he needed someone to talk to. As we started discussing the topic, he began by explaining how he doesn't like his job. He gets knots in his stomach before coming to work in the morning (something I can relate to!). He is tired of having the tenants in the building taking away his minor priviledges (like being able to read the morning paper when its quiet in the lobby) and, most of all, how through all this incontentment, he just can't seem to quit smoking, although he really wants to. I asked him why he still smoked, and he explained to me that "smoking is a distraction from how he is feeling about the rest of his situation (ie. his day-to-day work life) and that is his outlet". I understood Robert's sentiments and think we can all relate on some level.

Many of us turn to negative habits as forms of distractions in the midst of a troubled times. It gives us a sense of comfort, of control, of consistency, where there might be nothing else to rely on. What we have to realize is that these are psychological crutches that we turn to when we choose to ignore what is truly going on inside of us.

Robert, for example, turns to smoking as a distraction from a job that he is no longer happy with. He is a very spiritual person, and asks God repeatedly to help him quit. I asked him what God responded when he asked for guidance. He laughed and said "God just told me to stop smoking". It was a simple answer, and Robert knew that God was right. But still he struggles with giving up his addiction because he is not motivated within himself to do so. I asked Robert what makes him happy (besides smoking). He said he likes to be occupied, stimulated, challenged... and when he does feel satisfied in those aspects of his life, he does not feel the need to turn to smoking as an outlet for his negative emotions. His work life is playing a major roll in his unhappiness, and thus his need to distract himself with a distructive habit.

I know many a friend that have developed negative habits. One friend of mine developed an eating disorder as a way to "control" something in her life, as she felt she had no control over anything else. I know people that turn to food and overeating as a way to comfort themselves when things aren't going well in their lives. Some turn to alchohol and drugs to numb the pain they feel deep down inside. Others repeat negative relationship situations because they don't think they are worthy of something better in their lives.

What is so important to realize in all of these aspects of negative habits, or, as I like to refer to them, as self-destructive behaviors (which is really what they are), is that we are unwilling, or not yet ready, to accept or face the underlying cause of why we do this to ourselves. If you are feeding a self-destructive habit in your life, look deeper within - what is it that you are ignoring that needs to be examined more deeply? What are you choosing to hide from?

What I have come to realize is that what it really comes down to is an underlying feeling of "I am not good enough". This phrase is often the bottom line when it comes to all issues we face in our lives, and the reason we turn to bad habits to disguise our true feelings about ourselves. It is a blanket statement that we can all relate to. And at the bottom of all the crap we deal with, this is the number one feeling that eats away at us, despite our incapacity to regognize it.

One of my favorite authors and self-help gurus, Louise Hay, comments on this subject beautifully in one of her books, You Can Heal Your Life: " "The problem" is rarely the real problem." She gives an example of a woman who "was so concerned with her looks that she went from dentist to dentist feeling each one had only made her look worse. She went to have her nose fixed, and they did a poor job. Each professional was mirroring her belief that she was ugly. Her problem was not her looks, but that she was convinced something was wrong with her. We have finally found the central issue: people critize themselves, and their situations, because they have learned to believe they are not good enough just as they are."

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of loving oneself exactly the way you are. And in turn, the importance of taking control of your life. You are the only one that can reach within you to find out what is really going on: why you turn to smoking, or food, or restictive eating, as a means to quiet the person within you looking for nurturing and attention.

You have complete control over your experience in this world. You are not a victum. 'Examine your thoughts: Whatever we believe becomes true for us. If you have a sudden financial disaster, then on some level you may believe you are unworthy of being comfortable with money, or you believe in burdens and debt. Or if you believe that nothing good ever lasts, maybe you believe that life is out to get you, or, as I hear so often, "I just can't win." '

It had been proven that our thoughts create our experience in life. You create your surroundings, the people that enter your life, the way you react to things... it's all up to you. By tweaking your thought patterns and come to a place of self-acceptance and love, you are already on your way to materializing a better quality of life for yourself. You are not defined by your circumstances, you define your own circumstances. Now is a better time than any to take advantage of that power. If you believe you cannot do something, you will never do it. One of my favorite quotes from Henry Ford is, "Whether you believe you can or whether you believe you can't, you are right". He's correct. It's all a matter of mind.

Robert does not believe that he can overcome his addiction to smoking because he needs a crutch to make him feel better. Changing his thought pattern, and knowing that he can quit, and is deserving of a more healthy, vibrant life without cigarettes, is a hurdle he is working on. I suggested taking quitting smoking as a challenge, something he admitted that he needed in his life right now. I told him to believe in himself and to take control of his behaviors and his life. He was the only one who could do it, and he was worth it! He is just lacking the sense of self-love that motivates us to really drop the bad habit and take pride in loving who we are, without the crutch.

Find Your Calm: Ditch the crutches! Overcome self-destructive habits by changing your thought patterns.

Twenty Something: Quarter Life Questions

2010-06-16T17:01:00.013-04:00

I had a very successful career in fashion PR before I came to my senses, and realized my passion lied elsewhere. After having worked for a top New York City PR agency, in-house for some of the most renowned Italian fashion brands in the world, and then taking a stab at another boutique luxury firm, I had hit a road block. I was stuck in a rut, and I needed to get out. My body was telling me the exact same thing. Stressed, anxiety-ridden, and extremely un-motivated, I made the hard decision that my time had come to quit PR and turn my direction elsewhere.

After being inspired by my own unexpected challenges and experiences, I have come to realize that my journey is indeed my destination. In taking some much-needed time off, I am finally persuing my passion for wellness, coaching and psychology. My first step in doing so was in creating this very blog. Although I always had an underlying urge to pursue a different life path, something kept me where I was. I think it was a combination of contentment, self-doubt... and most simply - PR was just what I knew how to do.

Change, especially into a whole new career field, can be extremely hard. It takes motivation, determination and drive. But as they say, its better to realize this when you're young, than when you're 17 years up the corporate ladder and finally realize that finance, per say, is not for you.

At 26 years old, I see this as a common thread amongst my peers. They hit a point, a few years after graduating college, that balance and direction are lacking, and they crave change. I think it takes a few years "in the field" to figure out who you really are and what you are truly passionate about. When you exit the safety net of college life and hit the real world, you realize that most of your time is spent at your job - that's when you quickly realize if you like what you do 9-5, or NOT.

Christine Hassler, life coach, author, twenty-something and quarter life crisis expert identified and trademarked the "Expectation Hangover" epidemic: undesirable feelings that arise when a desired result isn't met. Simply put, things don't turn out the way you planned and you are experiencing symptoms similar to a hangover from drinking (lethargy, depression, regret, and so on). Christine has a website, as well as a blog about all issues of life including self growth, career, relationships, love, dating and money. In her speaches and writing, she notes that the three biggest roadblocks that people who crave a better life face are:

1. Self-doubt - Negative self-talk and self-image are extremely important when trying to make a change. The thing is, the brain is not able to distinguish if a negativite thought is real or fake, so it takes it and processes it as the truth. Creating an affirmative statement for yourself can be beneficial for your success: a statement that really describes who you are from a positive point of view. Confidence comes from within.

2. Starting without a foundation - A lot of us try to go after the career, the relationship, the friends or the body image (whatever it is), without a strong foundation, meaning: the way we take care of ourselves physically and emotionally isn't very strong, our money management is out of place, we are playing out unhealthy relationship patterns, and so on. A strong base is essential to building a strong future. Plan ahead. Spend some time really thinking about your next steps. Make a blueprint for your life; you can always go back and make changes to it. The most important step is to start somewhere. Laying the bricks before pursuing your next moves provide a solid place to start from.

3. Fear - Most, if not all of us, are TERRIFIED of making a mistake: terrified of how we'll be percieved, terrified of recovering from a fall.... so what we end up doing is one of two things: we either settle, or do nothing. One of the biggest factors in becomming successful is overcoming fear by starting to take risks. Start small - but once you take one risk and realize you didn't DIE, it gets easier to take risks. Another key point: you can learn a lot more from all of your failures than your successes: a failed career, a failed relationship, being in debt... you name it. Try not to percieve failure as failure, but as a learning opportunity.

I myself deal with these challenges. Many of us do. The path is often a bumpy one. If you are caught in a rut and need to make a change, try to assess what is holding you back from moving forward. Is it one of the challenges listed above? If you can make an effort to overcome these road blocks, you will be well on your way to making progress.

Find Your Calm: Realize your passion and make a change.

Boost Your Energy

2010-06-14T10:40:00.022-04:00

Feeling depleted? Exhausted? Completely worn out?

Many of us get to the point of feeling completely spent! Whether from a hectic work schedule, emotional drainage, or lack of physical maintenence, there are a number of factors that can contribute to one's level of energy, or lack thereof.
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In his book, Spent: End Exhaustion and Feel Great Again, author Frank Lipman offers "a wake-up call; a guide for changing this disastrous direction of living, showing us how to turn our overwhelmed and exhausted bodies and minds into healthy, energized, and thriving selves."

We all want to escape, so to speak, to rejuvenate, but the key is to learn how to live in chaos and find the calm. When you are running on empty, simply realizing your lack of vitality and taking the first step to finding a solution is often the hardest part. We often don't know exactly what is "wrong", we just don't feel ourselves. Nourishing yourself, physically, mentally, and spiritually is key to maintaining energy and feeling at your best. Sometimes it takes re-evaluating your lifestyle and realizing what tweaks can be made in order to feel your best again.

Here are some useful tips to boost your energy on a day to day basis:

Eat something - The most simple and obvious way to gain energy is to eat healthy, energy-boosting foods that nourish your body. Three balanced meals a day, supplemented by small, snacks in between, can keep your energy stable throughout the day. Finding balance in your diet, keeping healthy snacks around, and munching on beneficial foods literally fuels your body and keeps you going. The rule of thumb is to eat every three hours to keep your energy up, your metabolism at it's peak, and your system thriving.
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Stay hydrated - You have most likely heard that our bodies are not capable of lasting more than two to three days without water, though that you would be capable of going weeks without food. Water is required for very basic physiologic functions such as regulating blood pressure and body temperature, hydration and digestion. Lack of water is the number 1 trigger of daytime fatique. Get a Nalgene bottle and keep it on your desk at work or carry it with you on the weekend. Try to get at least 1 to 2 liters of water into your body throughout the day.

Spin your situation - Be your own spin doctor. If your immediate situation or surroundings are bringing you down, make the conscious effort to spin your outlook by putting a positive spin on things. Got a poor reaction to your presentation at work? Spin it into a positive: this is a great opportunity to learn what your superiors are really looking for so you can do a better job next time. Use these opporunities to learn and become even better at what you do! Challenges can be blessings in disguise. It all depends on how you look at it!
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Change your daily routine - We all have gotten stuck in a rut at one point or another. Break up the daily monotony and throw some excitement into your routine. Even taking a different route to work can be enough to change boost your mood. Start small. There is no reason to completely uproot your life to feel the positive effects that small daily changes can have on your wellbeing and state of energy. Switch things up. Take up a new hobby. Try something totally unexpected.

Stimulate your mind - Keeping your mind stimulated is key to feeling energized in your day-to-day life. If you are not being challenged by your daily tasks, things can become boring and monotonous. If you are bored at work, ask for a new project. If work is draining you, take up a stimulating new sport or hobby that takes your mind off work and allows you to enjoy other aspects of your life. Making goals for yourself, and taking on a new challenge can work wonders on your level of energy. Train for a marathon. Take some cooking classes. Try to get through the morning crossword puzzle on your way to work. We often don't challenge ourselves enough, leaving up feeling depleted. Challenge your mind and your spirit to try something new and stimulate your senses.

Fake it - You've heard it before: fake it til you make it! I have been told that if you are in a bad mood, just forcing yourself to smile will change your mindset - but the funny thing is - your mind doesn't know the difference between a real smile, and you "faking" a smile. The muscles that are stimlated by your facial muscles sends the same message to your brain that you are happy. If you are feeling exhausted, you can actually trick your body into thinking you have energy. Act out how you want to be feeling and see how it changes your actual level of energy.

Get moving - When you are feeling tired, often the last thing you want to do is go for a 3 mile run. The thing is that exersize will actually boost your energy. In a study published in the journal Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics in 2008, University of Georgia researchers found that inactive folks who normally complained of fatigue could increase energy by 20% while decreasing fatigue by as much as 65% by simply participating in regular, low-intensity exercise. Contrary to popular belief, exercising doesn't make you tired -- it literally creates energy in your body. Your body rises up to meet the challenge for more energy by becoming stronger.
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Sleep - This might be an obvious tip for chronic exhaustion. It is not only sleep that restores our energy levels each night, but more importantly, sticking to a consistent sleep schedule. It is proven that those that sleep TOO much, actually lack energy. Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day. Getting at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep at the same time every night will keep you rested and alert. And don’t think about cheating your-self through the week, because you can’t make up for it on the weekends. Also, try a power nap. Researchers have found that, like nighttime sleep, naps can enhance information-processing and learning. While experts debate about which type of siesta is more beneficial (a 20-minute catnap or an hour-long doze) they do know that resting for about 30 minutes to an hour before midafternoon (so you can fall asleep at night) provides a boost on days when you’re sleep-deprived. If you happen to be out and about when a sleepy spell hits, look for the new snoozing suites that are popping up in cities and offices around the country (see metronaps.com for info on one provider). But don’t make napping a habit: If you do it too often, it can interfere with your regular sleep patterns, Spielman says.
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Find Your Calm: Try different ways to boost your energy.

Farmer's Markets

2010-06-12T09:14:00.029-04:00

Living on Cape Cod for the summer definitely has it's perks. One of them is the Friday local farmer's market where organic businesses from near and far set up booths to sell their goods. It's very story-book Cape Cod.

The little town of Osterville, where our summer house resides, is nestled close to the ocean, just a hop skip and jump away from the main town of Hyannis. It's the type of town where you can ride your bike everywhere, there is one tiny (but perfect) grocery store in town, and nothing is commercialized. Every morning that we wake up to a gorgeous sunny day, we proclaim its "another beautiful day in paradise" (bird's chirping in the background). Picturesque, if I do say so myself. It's a very calming place to be.

Yesterday's market was exceptionally good. We wandered from booth to booth, chatting it up with the vendors and buying plenty of goodies to tide us over til next week.

Farmer's markets are so charming and wonderful. What better place to meander around on a beautiful sunny summer day? We did just that, picking up a few live lobsters for dinner that evening (and making their aquaintance before cooking them - dangerous!). The vendor's only warning was, "please don't name them, you will become too attached".

I didn't name them, but I did let them out to play on the back deck that afternoon. I don't think they enjoyed it as much as I did. (I don't have a pet, so this is what it's come down to... me playing with lobsters on the back deck. Don't judge.) But it was a great photo opp! We got two girls and a boy (as hinted by the ruberbands clasping their claws).

At the market, you can even buy a fresh live local chicken! I think that will be next Friday's adventure... playing with a chicken on the back deck. (God help me.)

Seeing that it is Cape Cod, seafood is king here. At the market, could get any kind of oyster or clam you wanted from one vendor. I'm not a huge fan of the slimy guys, but there is something here for everyone, that's for sure.

We made some friend's as well. This is Winston - the pug with the longest tongue in the world! Look at that thing! He was chillin' at the market's herb station. Very cozy in the shade, as you can see.

This kind older gentleman owns a smoke shop a few towns away (not the smoking you're thinking of). She smokes fish, meats, etc and was the happiest man in the world when I took his picture. Made his day!

You can find farmer's markets just about everywhere these days. I love going to the huge Union Square market on early Saturday mornings, before it gets too crowded, to pick up some things. They always have gorgeous flowers, fresh breads, meats, jams, baked goods - anything you could every want!

Find Your Calm: Go to a local farmer's market

Calm Adventure: Newport, RI

2010-06-11T09:38:00.026-04:00

I had never been to Newport before. I didn't realize what I was in for! I discovered true calmness on the water: summertime sunshine, sailboats, sea breeze, and sangria. A heavenly combination if I do say so myself. If you ever need a weekend getaway, I would highly recommend this lovely ocean-side town. Despite the regular seasonal tourists, you can get a real feel for the town if you are lucky enough to visit with a true "local". Enter: Jennie and John.

My friend Jennie was kind enough to invite me to stay with her for the weekend at her quaint historic cottage in this storybook village. Her and her boyfriend, John (aka. "J"), share this loft in a quiet district of town, just a quick walk from downtown.

John is a sailor and we got to visit his boat at a huge marina in town where the most stunning sailboats in the world are kept - I swear, it's like sailor's heaven here! If you are into boats at all, this is the place to be.

John brought us to the popular lobster place in town, where you can see all the live lobsters that the lobstermen brought in that day - they are HUGE. Tubs and tubs of the biggest lobsters I have ever seen. You can buy them right there and they will even steam them for you. Please excuse the picture... I tried to convince John to reach in and pick one up so I could get a better shot but he wasn't man enough to do it ;)

We got lunch in downtown, did some shopping, sipped cocktails by the water, and of course, got ice cream!

The last day in town, Jennie drove gave us a tour of the most beautiful mansions you will ever see. Newport is renowned for its historic mansions, and seeing some of them in person blew my mind. To think people actually live/lived here! It's truly unbelievable!

Before leaving town we had to of course get some Lobster rolls on the beach (so New England!).

It was a great weekend away and definitely a calming place to visit. Highly recommended.

Find Your Calm: Visit Newport!

Get Organized!

2010-06-09T08:46:00.017-04:00

Unlike many people, I find cleaning and organizing to be extremely therapeutic. When something is bothering me, I love to clean my apartment: mop my floor, vacuum, soap-scrub the bathroom - you name it! It just works for me. There is something about cleaning up a space that puts me in a great mood.

Perhaps I garnered this trait from my mother who, from a young age, taught us kids (perhaps enforced is a better word), that a clean space is essential in life. We had our weekend chores, of which were rewarded with a star on the "star chart", or a trip to Wendy's on the Post Road with Dad. We're talking big time rewards here! Who wouldn't want to dust an entire 5 bedroom house?

I'm joshing... but really, I think these lessons learned as young kids taught all of my siblings that cleanliness is next to godliness, to put it so bluntly.

I might be a little OCD when it comes to organizing. My desks at various jobs have always been spotless. I hate clutter and remove anything that doesn't hold some organizational or visually appealing quality to it. I really don't know how people live and work with cluttered spaces. It would drive me crazy. I can't focus or think about what I am working on if there are papers and piles strewn all over the place. My thoughts are disorganized enough, why make it worse?

Some people thrive in messy surroundings. I once asked a boss of mine how she could even think with all the junk that surrounded her. (She was a unique case). But she simply replied, "It's organized chaos". I couldn't relate.

The importance of a clean, tidy and organized space can work wonders on your sense of feeling calm. Since started this blog, I am into asking friends now, what helps them "find their calm" - my friend Kate told me that organizing her space and cleaning up before heading out of town made her feel calm. Coming home to a clean home after being away is rewarding in itself.

Organizing your outside surroundings also puts you in a frame of mind in which you can organize your inside thoughts. It subconsciously teaches you to keep things in order, and therefore enforces a sense of balance in your mind as well. De-cluttering your space can also greatly improve your productivity and overall sense of happiness and wellbeing.

One of my favorite magazines, Real Simple, has an entire section of their website dedicated to organization: http://browse.realsimple.com/home-organizing/organizing/index.html. Check it out for some helpful tips.

Oddly enough, there is also an entire day dedicated specifically to organizing your work space called "National Clean Off Your Desk Day" which takes place the second Monday in January. I wouldn't wait THAT long to take advantage of the benefits of organizing your work (or any) space, but funny to think that there is a day dedicated to it specifically. Who would have thought?

Find Your Calm: Get organized.

Stop Complaining Already

2010-06-08T20:16:00.010-04:00

I had an interesting conversation with a friend today about the notion of compaining. She told me how sick she was of hearing her sister call her to complain about all the menial things going on in her life. She obviously didn't want to hear it, but it also made her question her own level of complaints about life and if she needed to put them in check.

She directed me to a site which recommended an amazing, very worth while book called A Compaint Free World. The book invites you to try a 21 day "no complaining challenge", rules of which are highlighted below. I saw this on Oprah once, so it has to be good ;)

The main rule of thumb is that you have to wear a wristband for 21 days. Everytime you catch yourself complaining at all, you have to take off the wristband and switch it to the opposite wrist. The idea is to break the habit of complaining by catching yourself in the act, and physically, consciously correcting the problem by actively noticing it and doing something to change it. The more you have to switch the wristband, the more you realize what a complainer you are! The point is to get to 21 days without having to switch the wristband. Each time you break the chain of days, and do complain, you start from day one again.

How to stop others from complaining is a whole different story. Its not easy. Some people just love to complain! One way is to not participate. Tell them you have to get off the phone, or aren't up to talking about that particular issue right now. Or, don't surround yourself with those types of people.

It is hard to change others unless they are willing to change themselves. So, instead of worrying about them, focus on yourself. The less you complain, the more time you have to focus on the positives of life. Try this out and see how much more positive you feel.

Do not be a victim in life. Victims never win. Try to notice how much you complain in a day. It can be exhausting! Everytime you find yourself about to complain about something, do the complete opposite: revel in what is so amazing about that situation. Or find something else that is going RIGHT that day and talk about that instead. Say something positive, outloud, instead of complaining. It will change your mindset right away. And hey, people will be more willing to listen to you more often.

Find Your Calm: Stop complaining.

Troubleshooting

2010-06-07T16:50:00.013-04:00

I recently had some difficulty with my internet connection. If you can relate, you know how frustrating it can be! I tried as hard as I could to figure out the problem on my own by attempting everything I thought might work: unplugging every wire attached to the computer, shutting it off, rebooting, playing with the settings, stepping away for a while hoping it would mysteriously work a few hours later... nothing was working. I was waiting for a magical solution.

I decided to make the dreaded call to Comcast and ask for help to figure out what the problem was. I was on hold for 48 minutes. I was about to give up, but figured, "Well, I've made it this far, I might as well wait a bit longer to see what's up". Waiting made it worse. I had shut off/on my system so many times that I dreaded being asked to do it again - the anger was building. The more I fidgited with it on my own, without asking for help, the more problems I was causing on my computer's system. It was coming to a boiling point.

Shaniqua finally got on the phone and asked how she could serve me. I explained the situation... and then came that dreaded word. She calmlysaid, "Well, let's try to troubleshoot". Troubleshoot? I have been on hold, listening to drowned-out elevator music for 48 mins and my only option was to troubleshoot? I was livid. I wanted a quick fix. I wanted Shaniqua from Nebraska to ask me a few questions, listen to my answers, and fix my damn internet so I could go to bed. She could sense my frustration. After attempting a few toubleshooting techniques, and turning my computer off/on three more times, the internet was up and running. Shaniqua was pleased with herself. And I was relieved. Actually, elated. We had a giggle at the end of the conversation, as if new best friends. Shaniqua saved the day. We simply needed to troubleshoot!

Ironically, much of life is about troubleshooting. As much as I normally despise the word, I have come to realize I'm doing quite a bit of troubleshooting these days. Sure, it can be tiring, even frustrating at times. Yet, when one thing fails, there are always options, and another is sure to work. It's about patience, fortitude and faith. Whether its something menial, like your internet, or something a little more important in your life, like trying a different career, don't be scared to troubleshoot. Just like Shaniqua, it might just save the day.

Sometimes we are quick to throw in the towel when something isn't working, when in reality, there are most likely a few options that might work magically, but that we have simply not considered yet. Giving up is often the easy way out. Working to find a solution, and having the outcome be a positive one, not only teaches you something about yourself and how to deal with situations, but also how to be patient with yourself and others. Not everything has a quick fix. And not everything in life is easy. It's not built that way. Troubleshooting allows you to learn, to try different ways, to build experience and, more often than not, come out a better person because of it.

Find Your Calm: Troubleshoot

Releasing Negative Energy From Your Life

2010-06-04T11:27:00.014-04:00

Have you ever spent time with a person that is constantly pointing out the negative side of everything, whether complaining, finding fault, placing blame, or always taking a negative approach towards what might be a simple situation? Maybe you notice when you leave your interaction with this person, you feel drained, stressed or down. Your outlook changes and your day seems to revolve around this negative energy that you've somehow absorbed. It can also cling to you when we're around exceptionally negative people or if you've been through a traumatic experience. It builds tension, stress, and if you're not careful, can result in you ultimately being that type of negative person yourself. Surrounding yourself with people that exude negative energy is toxic. When left un-noticed, it can wreak havoc on your wellbeing.

I have always believed that you are the result of the company you keep. Why would you want to surround youself with negative people when you have the opportunity to choose those that support, love and nurture your true nature?

There are simple ways to release negative energy from your life, leaving you feeling more healthy and balanced. Think of it as spiritual maintainance.

Take stock of your life and notice the areas that are the most uncomfortable for you. Is it your work, relationships, money...? I bet if you sit for 5 minutes and make a list of everything that stresses you out, you will come to find that there are quite a bit of negative "things" in your day to day life that can either be avoided, discarded or tweaked in some way. Sometimes the biggest knots of energy that need to be released are obvious to other people but unseen by us. Our loved ones are generally quite happy to help us identify what we need to work on. ;)

Remember that you create your own experience in this life, no one else. You are responsible for seeking out what is toxic in your life and eliminating it, hard as it might be.

Practice compassion. The art of practicing and nurturing compassion toward yourself and others can go a long way toward releasing negative energy. Toxic thoughts can have a tremendous draining effect, so the next time you find yourself being sharply critical toward yourself or someone else, gently remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and that we all deserve to be treated with kindness.

Keep gratitude alive. Being grateful for the blessings in life expands the spirit and can help us to feel more grounded. One way to foster feelings of gratitude is to take stock each day of what you are grateful for. Do this by taking some time to let your mind dwell on what you feel are blessings in your life, even if it's something small. This practice of taking stock and the good feelings that it generates can connect us with what is truly important in life.

Just as it's important to take care of your physical and emotional well-being, it's also important to take care of your spirit. Releasing toxic and negative energy is an important part taking care of yourself and leading a more joyful and fulfilling life.

“There is no duty we so underrate as the duty of being happy. By being happy we sow anonymous benefits upon the world.”– Robert Louis Stevenson

Find Your Calm: Release all that is negative from your life.

Diner Heaven

2010-06-02T10:47:00.020-04:00

Ok seriously, how great are diners?

They offer breakfast lunch and dinner, any time of day, mostly comfort food in huge portions, are quick as can be, easy to find pretty much anywhere, are cheap, the wait staff is always nice, and if you're lucky, they are even open 24 hours! You can't beat it.

Traffic on a long drive back from Cape Cod after a holiday weekend will make any voyager hungry. Driving through random rural Connecticut towns can be pretty hit or miss, especially on a holiday evening. Well the gods were definitely shining down upon us that evening as we came across a heavenly Greek diner fit for the gods. We were not only stunned by the perfect (to-the-point-they-might-be-fake) full blown rose bushes outside this classy joint (they ended up being real; we inquired with management) but also by the true, diner-style décor and service. I like to refer to this decorating style as diner chic.

We looked over the menu, I believe I counted 6,365 items on the menu (not including drinks or daily specials). Side note: Isn't it the worst when you are SO hungry and have too many choices to pick from? I think that might be the one and only downfall of diners. Anyways, we decided upon three of their special Memorial Day menu sensations: spaghetti and meatballs (a classic), shrimp scampi (someone loves her garlic!), and chicken picatta (an old time favorite). Soup, salad and bread/butter were served first (obviously this was enough food for a meal in itself...). But the entrees, OH the entrees! Each one could have fed a family of 4 for a week straight. Piles upon piles of delicious home-cooked comfort food. Now THAT is what I call finding my calm.

Cops love diners too!

The best part came when it was time for dessert. My favorite! We thought there might be a simple section of the 17 page glossy menu with a selection of pies or ice cream flavors. OH no, not at this fancy Greek establishment. They went to the effort of writing down their dessert menu, by hand, mind you, on a simple piece of Xerox printer paper... Yes. This is what I call a real classic diner. Just like the main menu (which they took the time to actually print and bind) it offered a plethora of sumptuous choices, such as Jello (cherry-flavored), Oreo Madness (this one sounded a little daunting), and pudding (in a variety of flavors). Unfortunately, they were out of the usual diner favorites: apple caramel cake, and cherry ice cream (who runs out of cherry ice cream?), which were simply scribbled out with a pen on the hand-written menu. If you haven’t noticed, they like to keep things simple here. I like it.

This is my new go-to place for a little piece of calm. We thoroughly enjoyed the experience and will be returning on our various 5 hour trips to and from the Cape this summer.

Ps. We still have leftovers, 3 days later. Enough said.

Find Your Calm: Don’t underestimate the power of simplicity.

Family Time

2010-05-30T17:07:00.011-04:00

Family time can often be a point of contempt for a lot of people: the drama, the unnecessary comments, the need to please your parents, the sibling rivalry... as some psychologists would put it, a lot of these issues are a result of unresolved childhood problems that carry on into adulthood. Without getting too psych-professor on you, I want to point out the importance of family life, and when necessary, the fact that unresolved family issues might be holding you back from having and sustaining a loving, satisfying relationship with your family.

I had the unfortunate experience of losing a brother to cancer when I was five years old. The effect that kind of trauma, or any other catastrophic event in one's family life, is inexplicable. Now, in my mid-twenties, I will struggle with issues related to that tough time my family faced. Forgiveness, humility and a lot of love are all feelings that results from such a trying time in one's life - if you allow it. But, I must say, at the end of the day, I think the whole experience brought our family closer together, in a strange, blessing-in-disguise sort of way.

This is not always the case. Some families are torn apart by traumatic experiences: children are tormented by their past, parents are overcome with guilt, siblings continue to compete.... it runs the gamut. But the family unit, as I have come to understand it, is the strongest bond you will every get to have with people in your life. They are a part of you, and you them. I am sad when I see families with issues too deep-rooted, too great to overcome. I am thankful to have such a close-knit, supportive family that has held together like rubber cement throughout the years - stretching far apart at points, and sticking so close together as others - but never falling apart.

If you have family issues, or unresolved problems from your childhood, explore what is holding you back from moving forward, forgiving, or coming to terms in your present life. The past is the past. Holding onto grudges, pain and problems keeps you in a 'victim' mentality, making it all too easy to stay stuck in the past. What can you do to move on in a positive new direction and find solace within yourself and with your family?

Speding time with my family is like therapy for me, in a way. When we get together for family dinners, there are always those silly moments, funny stories and inside jokess that only your family really "gets". They have known you since you were your smallest after all; they have seen you grow and change, prosper and fall. You have been through a lot together, good and bad. They are your foundation, and as hard as some might try, you can never get rid of them. And why would want to? They are part of you forever. Relish in that. It is a true gift in this life.

My family at my sister Meg's wedding

Find Your Calm: Spend time with your family.

OMG Moments

2010-05-29T17:32:00.010-04:00

I kept this article tucked away in my many computer files that I come back to once in a while. I forget where I found it, but I love the message....

"Do you ever have those OMG moments? Like when you dial a friend and they text you at the exact same moment? Or, you recieve a brochure for a caribbean getaway the day you decide to take an island vacation?

I find these synchronistic moments to be a valuable part of life. If you pay attention, you will see what that moments are telling you that you are in the right place at the right time.

Of course there are also those not-so-cool moments when everything seems to conspire against you. Like days when your computer crashes the moment you're about to finish an important document, and then you get stuck in a traffic jam when you're in a hurry to get somewhere. It's like the universe doesn't want you to accomplish that which you set out to do that day. What's up with that?

I've realized that life is never against me, or anyone else. In fact, these negative experiences might be telling you something. You could kick and curse at the computer or get mad if you get stuck in a traffic jam, but it's not the most effective strategy. Instead, I recommend that you pause for a few moments and reflect on why this might be hapenning.

Wherever you are in life, in your career, relationship and health, I encourage you to take a moment to look and see why things might be going the way they are. By slowing down and reflecting on what the universe might be telling you, good things will be more likely to come your way."

Find Your Calm: Listen to what your life is telling you.

The Importance of Getting Away From It All

2010-05-29T11:39:00.016-04:00

New York City is satirically dubbed the "concrete jungle", and for good reason: the entire island is mainly constructed of concrete, and, to put it bluntly, full of interesting "characters", just as a jungle would be. A location marked by an intense competition and stuggle for survival. I have always loved the accuracy of this analogy.

As a New Yorker, (let me correct myself: I think the rule of thumb is that you have to have lived in NYC for 10 years to truly consider yourself a New Yorker), so perhaps as a New Yorker-in-training, having only lived here for 5 years, it is easy to get caught up in city-life. It's addictive, in a way, but just as the analogy above suggests, its breeds a certain intense competition. Those who thrive on 'making it big', come to New York City. "If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere!", they say. It is about survival of the fittest, just like in the wild.

New Yorkers have a certain jaded attitude about them. They are used to the hustle and bustle. You can basically get anything you want delivered right to your door 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, all with a simple phone call. After all, it's the city that never sleeps. A person once asked me "Well, where else would you want to live? Everything is right here!".

I remember speaking with a women from the midwest on a flight once, who had obviously never visited the Big Apple. When I told her where I resided, she was awestruck, "What an exciting place to live!!", she proclaimed, bright-eyed and bushy tailed. I rolled my eyes and thought to myself, "Sure, if you enjoy cramming into a subway car at the height of rush hour on the hottest day of the summer with a less than slender, perspiring man squished up next to you, dripping sweat onto your new dress. Then, yes, its SUPER exciting." I am being facetious here, so don't mind my passive aggresive tone (I think that comes with having lived in NYC for so long and realizing its pros and cons of the beast that it is).

A lot of people relish in the excitement of city life. My parents moved to NYC from a small quaint suburb in Connecticut after I graduated high school and left the next for for college to liven things up a little. I was the youngest of five after all. The suburbs lose a little bit of their charm unless you have kids running around in the background. It did them a wealth of good and they love the action and opportunities the city offers, now in the late 50's. To be honest, this is hard to find elsewhere. I commend them for their sense of adventure.

I have come to have a love/hate relationship with the city. Especially in the summer when it gets so terribly hot that the air is thick enough to cut with a knife. It's a little uncomfortable to say the least. I guess that's why so many New Yorkers escape to the Hampton's in the summer. There is a need to get out of the sticky air, and an excuse to escape the norm.

I have to be honest, there is a lot of opporunity in New York, but there is also a lot of pressure, as I have come to experience. The atmosphere itself is quite swift; everything moves quickly, and once you are used to that pace, it is hard to step away from it. Example: have you ever been walking behind someone on the street, happily walking to the beat of your iPod, and there is someone walking a little too slow in front of you, and you can't get around them?! Sometimes you just want to push them out of way, so you can get on with your day (dont judge, I know you have been there too). That is when you know you have come to a whole new level of what I like to call NYC intensity. You build this layer of grime (much like the air) around your personality to make it here.

My point here is that, as much as one can thrive in a place of such fast-paced energy, it is also imperative to step away from it once in a while. When I get away from the city, it often takes a few days to settle down and really relax my mind. I am still in "city mode", wondering what I am missing and what I have to get done that day to feel "productive". It can be hard for some to fully escape, put away their Blackberries, and just fully chill out.

Getting away from it all is a very important and healthy way to gain balance in one's life. It not only allows your mind and body the chance to decompress (the city can wind you pretty tightly if you let it!), but also brings you perspective. All of the New Yorkers I know, espcially in the the summertime, crave a place to get away to, to relax, and "escape" the jungle-like intensity that runs their day-to-day lives.

In honor of Memorial Day weekend, I hope you have the chance to escape your daily, sometimes exhasuting routine, and take a step back. It is hard for some people to allow themselves to do that. But it is an important step in gaining balance in your mind, body and soul. I have the priviledge of going to Cape Cod to stay at my parent's lovely home for a few days before returning to the city next week. Whenever we drive up to the Cape, we have a tradition of rolling down the windows just as we hit the Sagamore bridge that crosses over to the Cape, taking in the fresh air - we have arrived! - it so therapeutic in itself.

Find Your Calm: Escape from your day to day, and find your own way of relaxing. It will recharge your batteries and bring you back to equalibrium.

Go With Your Gut

2010-05-27T17:39:00.017-04:00

I have spoken a lot about gut feelings in my recent posts. I believe in them totally and completely. Your innate, all-knowing intuition should be your guide when it comes to decisions, big or small. There's a reason it's called a "gut feeling". Many times, a decision that you "know" is wrong makes you feel discomfort in your stomach area.

Speaking of guts, I have a sensitive one. My stomach will torture me to death with pain - making it glaringly obvious that it's trying to tell me something. There is the literal stomach pain, and then there is the underlying "LISTEN TO ME NOW!" stomach pain. The more I try to ignore it, the more it kicks and screams, trying to make an all important point: I am not following my intuition! I guess I should be thankful for it's extreme persistence, as its gotten me out of a lot of not-so-good-for-me situations.

Enter: The Enteric Nervous Systemaka: "The Brain In Your Gut". This aspect of your nervous system runs the entire length of your digestive tract and consists of over 100 million neurons. A neuron mind you, is the same type of cell that composes the makeup of your brain tissue. The Enteric Nervous System contains motor neurons which are responsible for receiving signals from the central nervous system, as well as sensory neurons, which are responsible for sending signals back to the central nervous system.Thus, a two way communication portal is open in which the workings of your stomach and intestines can interact with the workings of your brain.This being understood, wouldn't it make perfect sense that our gut feelings are an extremely important aspect of our overall emotional and mental landscape?

I bet you've had one of those moments where you are faced with a decision. It might be as trivial as which Gatorade flavor to choose after a long workout, or as important as choosing to have that risky surgury or not.

"Go with your gut and don't second guess it. If you've spend days preparing for a meeting that starts in an hour and the school nurse calls to report a painful, though not hospital-worthy, monkey bar injury, there's no one right thing to do. On any given day, your instinct might be to skip the meeting. Or suggest that the nurse apply an ice pack and send Shorty back to class. Make a snap decision and then - this is key - don't question it later. Let it go. Really. I mean it."

My suggestion: tune out the rest of the world (your friends endearing advice, your parent's loving gestures, your boyfriend's witty jokes) and tune into your intuition. It is there for a reason. Sometimes it can be hard to hear it and sometimes it's glaringly obvious yet you try to ignore it. Either way, it will win. The sooner you come to terms with your gut feelings, the sooner you can move on to pursue what makes your tummy happy.

Find Your Calm: Go with your gut.

Courage

2010-05-25T10:29:00.009-04:00

To me, courage has always meant power, having a sense of determination, a lack of fear: a fire inside of you. I have always been impressed by people with such fortitude and bravery. I, on the other hand, tend to avoid fear, confrontation or pain, instead of facing it head on. Its in my nature. In psychology they call it "fight or flight". When I sense danger, I'm on the first flight outta there! No matter what it takes.

What I've come to realize is that courage takes many forms. It is not only having a sense of control (the power bit) but the verosity to actually DO something when you feel powerless.

There are ways the build courage. The first step is developing true self esteem. When you lack confidence in yourself, you subconsciously shrivel. Perhaps you imagine that you deserve to live this way and just 'deal with it'. Life is not about putting up with things, its about taking control, and that takes courage. When you begin to have enough confidence in yourself, your abilities and your potential, courage to fight for what is right breeds naturally. It begins by having self-respect. By appreciating yourself and building esteem, courage will inevitably follow.

We often don't give ourselves enough credit. We are hard on ourselves, take judgements of others to heart and live in fear of what's to come. I see a lot of people get walked all over every day, like doormats. People say nasty things to them and they just take it without saying a word. Women are abused by their husbands and continue to live with their nastiness. You might even beat yourself up for not being 'good enough'. Are you your own doormat?

It takes a lot of courage to stand up for what's right when we stand alone. Or to do what's right despite disapproval for others. Or even take risks that are for our own good.

How do you muster courage? Start by really listening to yourself and trusting your gut feelings; they are there for a reason! But most importantly, realize that you can overcome the obstacle that lies before you by simple believing in yourself. Be patient, it takes time.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says 'I'll try again tomorrow'." - Mary Anne Radmacher

Find Your Calm: Be courageous.

The Benefits of Acupuncture

2010-05-23T20:10:00.013-04:00

When you are stressed, anxious or you feel like life is beating you down a little bit, there are alternative, natural forms of therapy that are proven to alleviate the discomfort associated with those feelings. One of them is acupuncture, a method used in traditional Chinese medicine for centuries to relieve distress, among many other ailments.

I am a big fan of alternative forms of medicine and will try anything new and interesting that will help me "find my calm". Today, I experienced acupuncture.

Acupuncture is a method of treatment used in traditional Chinese medicine and has been used for centuries for healing and disease prevention in China. It is highly-regarded for its effectiveness. According to traditional acupuncture theory, there are twelve energy channels called "meridians" running vertically along the length of the human body, each one linking to a specific organ. Illness is caused by obstructed energy flow at certain points along the meridians. Acupuncture therapy stimulates meridian flow and harmonizes the body's energy to influence the health of both body and mind. Therefor it treats the whole body rather than local symptoms. Chinese medicine involves multiple approaches including mind and body healing and learning to care for one's self preventatively.

Acupuncture is a safe and effective natural therapy that is used to heal illness, prevent disease and improve well-being. Tiny, hair-thin needles are inserted into specific points in the body, where they are gently stimulated to trigger the body's natural healing response. Acupuncture is effective for controlling pain and can regulate the body's physiological functions to treat various internal dysfunction and disorders.

This healing method is not only used for stress relief, but as a method for treating a multitute of other ailments in the body, some of which include chronic pain, depression, digestive problems, fatigue, athritis, smoking addiction, weight loss, migraines and infirtility, among many others.

My parents had been to a specific acupuncurist on the Upper West Side and recommended I give it a go. I didn't hesitate for a second. I love stress-relief in any form. This particular place was very modern, clean and calm, unlike other Chinese massage centers I've visited in New York before. I was pleasantly surprised. The doctor I saw was unbelievable sweet, respectful and caring. We talked about what was going on with me before we began the session. The procedure was simple, and not as painful as I would expect considering needles were involved. She gently placed needles at certain points all over my body as I lay on my back. "What was I to do next?" I asked her. "Just relax, close your eyes, listen to your breath... I will leave for 25 minutes and come back to wake you, as you might fall asleep." (Cool. I even get a nap out of it!) She dimmed the lights of the room and left for about 25 minutes, just enough time to put me in a complete state of relaxation and dose off for a new minutes. She removed the needles and explained the importance of staying calm in everyday life, taking care, and telling continually telling myself that "everything in life is okay" (a good way to alleviate everyday stresses that may creep up on you, she promised). It definitely made me find my calm. I made another appointment for next week already, if that says anything. I might be addicted.

Find Your Calm: Get accupuncture.

Take A Ride on the Wild Side

2010-05-21T17:30:00.003-04:00

Remember when we were little and needed training wheels to learn how to ride a bike? When the big day came to try out the two-wheeler, Dad would run next to us, sweating, holding onto the handle bars for dear life, until we were steady enough for him to let go. It would either end in a crash into the sidewalk bushes, and inevitable tears, or a triumphant victory of bike-riding freedom! Aaaa.... those were the days...

Luckily, we can ride a two-wheeler all on our own now! Well, hopefully. Otherwise, I worry for you. Today is national "Ride Your Bike to Work" day. Take advantage of a bike, if there's one handy, and go for a bike ride on this beautiful spring day!

My boss rides his bike to work everyday! Here he is today, happy as a clam.

Find Your Calm: Ride your bike.

Motherhood: Relishing in the Chaos

2010-05-21T11:22:00.006-04:00

When you are 26 and single, its hard to imagine what it must be like to have a full time job, a baby, a household to run and a personal life (if there is even room for that!)... and actually function on a day to day basis. And let's be honest, be happy at the same time. It is possible? Is there enough time in the day? Just thinking about it exhausts me. My mother had 5 kids (ahhh!) and her mother had 12 (can you imagine!!!). I am always amazed at mother's who are able to pull it off.

Mom's are great. They just are.

Completely curious, I asked my lovely sister-in-law, and new mom, Chrissy, how she and her husband (my brother), are able to manage it all so flawlessly, and what it is that helps her find her calm in the midst of such a busy life (dirty diapers and all). I think, no matter what kind of 'busy' you think you have in your life, a mother's work is never done... Here is my revealing interview with Chrissy. Motherhood sounds pretty nice after all ;)

Mary Jane: How do you balance work life, being a new mom, and your personal life with Jim?

Chrissy: You kind of just do - I don't think there's really a secret or key on how to balance it all, you just find your own way as you go along. I am really lucky in that I have a husband who is FULLY involved with all aspects of raising Ben, so it's not all on my shoulders. He cooks dinner for us every night (so I can relax once Ben goes to bed) and he always gives Ben his baths at night. That was something we did from day 1 - it was Jim's bonding time since I was nursing Ben. Fitting in one-on-one time with Jim is not always easy and we really have to make an effort to have "date" nights every now and then. There's a constant push and pull on my heart when it comes to work. Sometimes it's a nice break from all things baby and I enjoy the adult interaction, but at the same time, I'm also wishing I could be with Ben all day and am jealous of the time our Daycare woman gets to spend with him. I don't think I'm "balancing" all those things, I get to enjoy all those things at the same time. And it's a nice mix between work, my husband and my baby. :)

Mary Jane: Do you ever get stressed and feel overwhelmed?

Chrissy: Of course I do! I've always been a pretty relaxed, easy going person, but I think there's stress no matter what point you're at in your life. When I was in college, I was stressed and overwhelmed about jobs and where to live after school was done. When I was 26, I was stressed I would never meet "Mr. Right" or get married and have kids, which I always wanted. So, yes, I do get stressed and overwhelmed....but then Ben will give me a big smile and everything I was upset or stressed about disappears.

Mary Jane: What are some things you do to relax?

Chrissy: Take a nice, long hot shower, go get a pedicure, watch some horrible reality show, go for a long walk or take an exercise class.

Mary Jane: Do you ever have alone time to get away from it all?

Chrissy: Not a whole lot, but that's by choice. I enjoy spending all weekend with Jim and Ben and when I go out for a few hours, I literally race home to see them again. Now that Ben goes to bed easily and early and sleeps all night, Jim and I have a few hours every evening to ourselves to relax and catch up with each other. That is really nice. Sometimes, if Jim sees that I am getting stressed, he'll take Ben for a walk or something and give me some alone time in the house. I''ve always been someone who likes being alone, so finding that I don't need that as much anymore has been interesting.

Mary Jane: If you could give a new mom-to-be advice about balancing her responsibilities and finding her calm, what would it be?

Chrissy: Honestly, I think I would just say that each new mom will find her own way and it just happens naturally. I remember when I was pregnant and my sister came to visit with her son - when they left I told Jim, "I can't do that." I never thought I'd have the energy or patience, but you just do. When the baby is your own, it's a whole different experience and you just find the energy and patience because you have to - and you want to. One thing I would say and am trying to be better about myself is to be in the moment and learn to not only accept, but enjoy and relish in the chaos. It's easy to just "get though" this and "get through" that, but I'm trying to really soak in the moment and learn to love the messy, dirty, crazy moments.

Find Your Calm: "Enjoy and relish in the chaos"

Should I or Shouldn't I?

2010-05-20T09:32:00.010-04:00

Decision-making is not one of my strong suits - but I'm working on it. I tend to flip-flop a lot. One decision seems so right one minute, but the next, I start questioning myself.

It's hard now-a-days - there are SO many options; it gets to the point where people don't want to make a decision at ALL because there are too many to choose from!

In his book, The Paradox of Choice: More is Less, Barry Schwartz writes about how we are overwhelmed by choice, and that's not such a good thing! Schwartz tells us that constantly being asked to make choices, even about the simplest things, forces us to "invest time, energy, and no small amount of self-doubt, and dread." There comes a point, he contends, at which choice becomes debilitating rather than liberating. Did I make the right choice? Can I ever make the right choice?

Whether choosing a health-care plan, choosing a college class or even buying a pair of jeans, a bewildering array of choices floods our exhausted brains, ultimately restricting instead of freeing us. We normally assume in America that more options ("easy fit" or "relaxed fit"?) will make us happier, but the opposite is true: having all these choices actually goes so far as to erode our psychological well-being.

How do we become better decision-makers? Here are some pointers:

1. Mark out the parameters of the decision clearly: What choices do you have? Are there more than two?

2. Gather as much information you can about each choice - research, think about it, ask advice from trusted friends and family.

3. Get the experience that will help you make an informed decision. For example, if you're trying to decide whether to become a doctor or not, try volunteering at a hospital or clinic first.

4. Jot down a list of pros and cons for each decision. Prioritize which considerations are very important to you, and which are less so.

5. Recognize that there are no right reasons for making a particular decision. The fact that a particular path is important to you, regardless of what others think, legitimizes it.

6. Think honestly about any fears, motives or biases guiding your thinking. Recognize them for what they are.

7. Look for ways to have your cake and eat it too: Brainstorm alternatives. Can you synthesize the available alternatives into a compromise that maximizes the pros and minimizes the cons?

8. Put an end to collecting information about your decision. Avoid thinking that with just a little more time and information, you'll be able to make the one perfect decision. Remember that no decision is perfect and that all choices are made in a condition of some uncertainty.

9. Recognize that you might learn things in hindsight that would have changed your decision had you known about them earlier. This thought is normal, and should not be allowed to stall your decision making.

10. Make the decision.

Find Your Calm: Decisions are a hard part of life. Trust yourself enough to simply MAKE a decision. Whether it goes right or wrong... you can cross that bridge when you come to it.

Start Fresh

2010-05-19T09:10:00.014-04:00

Life's trials and tribulations can take a major toll on your health and wellbeing. Everyday stresses can depleat you - if you let them! There is a solution; you can make the conscious decision to 'start over'; think of it as a restart button on your computer. This is not a joke, a trick or some uncomplicated, unachievable process. Rather, its a workable solution that many people rarely use. It is simply a decision.

If you feel as though life is miserable, you think almost everything about it is bad. You hate your job, you're dissatisfied with the way you look, you're tired of your friends, you're even sick of where you live. In short, life stinks!

Or does it? I'm not saying you can get an instant problem-free life just by changing your thinking, but you can start to improve things if you accept one simple truth: "I am not powerless".

As odd as it sounds, sometimes we are comfortable being miserable - we are so used to it; its just a mental state we relate to and thus carry on with. I don't mean that we enjoy your misery, but it may be easier to stay in a familiar, bad situation than it is to change.

You can only start over if you're willing to deal with the big R: responsibility. Its easy to blame circumstances or other people for your misery. Its always easier to blame everything except yourself. Blaming is counterproductive. Taking responsibilty for your own life is the first step to making the changes you need. And you are the only one that knows what is making you miserable and needs tweaking. Stop blaming others, stop blaming your surroundings and stop submitting to the idea that you were simply 'dealt these cards' in life and have no choice but to live with them. That's a cop out!

We each have a different 'miserable threshhold', just like we all have a different threshold for the amount of pain we are willing to tolerate. Oftentimes we need to reach our lowest low to realize that change is inevitable. It often takes hitting rock bottom before it hits you, "this isn't working for me!" It is up to us to take the next step towards happiness.

Change begins with a conviction in your mind: "I can do this!"

Sometimes, the most important change is being able to look at things in a new way. When you stop beating yourself up, life begins to change in a dramatic way. Take a different perspective on life. Step away for a bit and try to look at your situation from a different angle: do you really have it THAT bad in life? Or are you creating drama where there doesn't need to be any. Count your blessings; there are most likely a lot more than you are willing to admit to. Make a list of things you are grateful for if you have to! Literally, sit down and make a list. I'm not kidding.

Taking responsibility for your life means making constructive change - this requires thought and planning. Use common sense: set a plan of action. For example, if you want to change jobs, have another job lined up that is more in line with what you want to do next before jumping ship. If you are getting out of a relationship, determine how much time you need to revisit your own needs before jumping into the next one. Be realistic with yourself, and set goals. Write them down!

The main thing to remember is that you have complete control of this life that you live. Take responsibility for it. No one else will! One of my favorite quotes is "It is not what happens to you, it is how you choose to react to it." Have the courage to change and react in a more positive way to life's curve balls. Its a process, but one worth pursuing.

Find your calm: Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around.

The Art of Letting Go

2010-05-18T09:20:00.009-04:00

If anyone knows me well enough, they know I am not very good at letting go. Whether it be a love, a friend, a dress or a job, I find it nearly impossible to sever ties with that "thing" that I've somehow become so endearingly attached to. Letting something go, leaving it behind, and moving onward equals change. And I hate change. It makes my stomach churn, my heart race and my eyes cry. But change, namely letting go, is something we all must face at some point in our lives.

Today a co-worker told me that a friend of his father took his own life at the age of 80 years old. It was devestating to hear. But then I thought of that poor person who would have to, so suddenly, face the act of letting go of a dear parent, she didn't have a choice. She was forced to let go.

Some of us do have the choice when it comes to letting go. We make the decision that a job is no longer right for us, or that grudge we've held since 9th grade isn't worth holding onto anymore. We weigh the pros and the cons and decide that letting go of "it" is for the best at the end of the day.

Sometimes, even though we don't want to, we know deep down we need to let go but we can't quite make ourselves do it. The question is: does that sense of clinging mean there's still something worth holding onto? Or does it mean we're just scared to move forward without it? Its a battle I have with myself a lot.

Trusting yourself is a huge part of that process. Knowing when something in your life isn't working, and cutting it out, can be liberating, but it can also hurt a lot.

Take stock of your life. Are there things that you can let go of? Are you a hoarder? Do you cling so desperately to things that that you no longer need that they build up a toxicity in your life? Let some things go and free up mental (and physical) space for something new (and potentially better) to enter your life. Whether it be a mental pattern, a relationship or your stuffed animal named Fluffy from kindergarten, set them free! See how it feels. You might suprise yourself!

The thing is, and this is the hard part, you won't know until you try. Trusting in the process of life is damn hard. But sometimes you just have to cut the cord and see how it goes, scary as it might be.

Find your calm: Try to let go.

Probiotics 101

2010-05-17T09:48:00.015-04:00

The most important component of being calm in life is maintaining your physical health. If your body if happy and thriving, it sets the pace for a peaceful mind. I am a huge advocate of the power of preventative care, namely nutrition and supplements. It is true: you are what you eat!

If you have a sensitive stomach, it can react in funny ways to stress, foods, medicines, vitamins, etc. It is important to listen to your body, and how it reacts to these things. The stomach in particular is a very sensitive area, as it is the control center of your entire nervous system. The gut has a lot of important jobs - it controls your nerve endings. For example, if you get nervous, you might get that “butterfly” feeling in your tummy, if you are stressed, your stomach reacts by feeling nauseous or eliminating your appetite, it also ingests and digests your food, determining which nutrients to absorb and which to discard - there are so many more! There is a reason why people say “go with your gut feeling” - the gut is smart, it sends your mind signals and connects deeply with your intuition! It makes complete sense!

Stomach problems are prevalent in America. It is not only the epidemic of poor nutrition (fast food, etc.) but also the extreme amount of stress we are under day to day.

To give you an example of how stress can effect your entire body: when your poorly functioning stomach is unable to break down food due to a chronic state of stress, it is not properly eliminated through the large intestine, and you are likely to develop discomfort. Poorly digested food particles can get stuck inside the intestines or absorbed into the bloodstream and trigger an immune response in the body, putting an added strain on the detoxification and immune systems. Food sensitivities can emerge, as can overgrowth of yeast, bad (pathogenic) bacteria, and parasites.

Recently, after having gone through some bouts with stomach issues, I was introduced to probiotics. To keep it simple, these are friendly bacteria. I know the word “bacteria” in itself stirs people a little bit. “How can bacteria be good for me?!“, you ask. Restoring beneficial bacteria (aka probiotics) to the gut when they have become deficient helps to keep your digestive system on track. Since we need a healthy balance of microorganisms in the gut, reintroducing probiotics is a must for good digestion.

The gut normally contains trillions of bacteria, which serve a multitude of functions essential for good health. They help digest food, minimize lactose intolerance, help with poor digestion and help correct digestive disturbances and inflammation. They help manufacture B vitamin, vitamin K and vitamin A. They also help ferment dietary fiber, creating what is called butyric acid, which fuels intestinal cells; low butyric acid levels are associated with such bowel diseases as ulcerative colitis and colon cancer. Probiotices also enhance anticancer activity and can help lower cholesterol. In addition, probiotics help control yeast overgrowth and destroy infectious organisms such as “bad” bacteria.

Bad bacterial overgrowth produces toxins. If these toxins overload the body’s normal detoxification system, they can cause such skin problems (e.g. eczema), joint problems (e.g. arthritis) and even altered behaviors in brain function.

This wonder “food “has been around for a long time but more recently recognized for its plethora of healthy benefits. They are mostly found in simple everyday fermented foods like yogurt and sauerkraut. Yet I would recommend taking them in supplement form. You can find them in pills or powder at your local health food store, and come in doses from three to ten billion viable bacteria a day per serving. Side effects are rare, most commonly gas or bloating, which can be reduced by lowering your dosage. Keep them refrigerated, as some good bacteria are killed by heat, moisture and sunlight. If your health food store salesperson is anything like mine, he will want to talk about this kind of stuff for days (they get really into it!), but one major factor he brought up was to stay away from sugars, which feed the bad bacteria in your system.

One brand I would recommend is Ultimate Flora Critical Colon Bifido Max (http://www.luckyvitamin.com/) which can also be found at many health food stores.

Find your calm: Restore your body's natural defenses, immune system and digestive health with friendly bacteria.

{Information for this post received by: Total Renewal, Frank Lipman, M.D.}

Breaking the Addiction: Crackberry's

2010-05-16T10:33:00.013-04:00

I always thought it would cool to have a Blackberry, yet abstained because I didn't want to dish out the extra 30 bucks for the service (plus cost of phone). It's not exactly cheap.

Enter the world of fashion PR, and I didn't really have a choice. One supposedly "needs" to be accessible at all times in the world of public relations, especially if something tragic happens, like a client's dress is delayed in being delivered to a photo shoot or something life-threatening like that. God forbid you just give them a ring on your simple old cell phone. Imagine the horror! Sometimes I feel like a doctor "on call" or something to that effect.

The sad truth is (it's hard to admit), and as much as I hate it, I am now addicted to my Crackberry. Ashamedly, the very first thing I do when I wake up is reach over to check my Blackberry and freak out to see 47 new emails recieved while I was sleeping. I guess a lot of people like to work past normal business hours into the wee hours of the morning (that's a whole other blog post in itself). I have even caught myself checking, and ANSWERING work emails in the middle of night. That doesn't seem normal?

Sadly, there is even a site for addicts like me, and it is apply called "Crackberry.com - The #1 Site for Blackberry Users & Abusers". What has our world come to? We are addicted to our phones.

Here are a few of their suggestions for breaking your Crackberry addiction:

Admit you are powerless over your Crackberry, that our lives have become unmanageable without the little gadgets and that, like Pavlovian dogs, we are slaves to its bleeps, vibrations, buzzes and rings.

You must come to believe that only the greater power of wireless-lessness can restore you to sanity.

You must make a decision to turn your will and life over to the power of unconnectedness and eschew knowing if someone is mailing you this very minute.

Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of your Crackberry use - do you shamlessly put your Blackberries on the table in a bar to present false sense of importance; do you drive and compose email at the same time; do you rudely ignore co-workers, loved ones and your children in order to take that "imporant call" from Ron, the lounge lizard from accounting?

Make a list of all persons you have harmed through rudeness, inconsideration and pretentious self-involvement and make amends with them all. Sincerely and in person, not via text message - "srry 4 bng a rde bstrd. wnt hppn agn."

Turn off your Crackberry. Now! No "I'm expecting an important call". No "My life depends on Shirley getting me those numbers." No "I'm almost finished my Sudoko game". Turn it off now. Stop looking at it expectantly. Seriously, stop.

Realize that you are not the center of the universe. If someone can't get a hold of you, they will have to wait; waiting is a natural state. The failure to reach you 24/7 will not mean the end of the world... the universe will not implode... the apocalypse will not happen if Jenny doesn't get a hold of you and has to wait until lunch time to find out if you got lucky with that guy from HR.

Set limits on your Crackberry use. Use only during business hours. Lock it up when you're on vacation - you can't do anything from Cabo anyway.

Know that the world actually functioned before Blackberries, and that people managed to survive with antient tools like phone and desktop computers. While it was a long time ago (circa 2005) there are people still alive who remember this time. Seek out those people and ask them about life back then.

Having fulfilled these steps, know that you control the Crackberry, it does not have control over you, that access is a two-way street, that it is a tool, not a chain and that you can relate to actual human beings too.

Find your calm: Turn off your Crackberry. Just for a little bit. You will survive. I promise.

The Restorative Powers of Sleep

2010-05-15T13:23:00.017-04:00

Have you ever been so extrememly exhausted that when your head hits the pillow at night, you are literally out like a light? I've been feeling that way recently. Completely depleated. One thing I know I can always count on is the restorative powers of a good night's sleep. At the end of a long day, there is nothing I crave more than my bed. When I crawl into it at night, its virtual euphoria. And that moment.... that fine line between consciousness and complete REM... when you catch yourself, ever so slightly, just on the verge of falling into a deep sleep - magical!

Psychologically, sleep is imperative for two reasons: 1. it allows us to preserve our energy for our daytime use, and 2. it allows our minds, bodies and souls to retore themselves after a day filled with activities, millions of thoughts, and stress that can deeply effect our subconscious. It is proven that the body literally heals itself when we are sleeping, both physically and neurologically. If you are recovering from an illness, the first thing your doctor will tell you is to get plenty of rest. That is for good reason!

Dreams are an important factor when it comes to sleep. They allow the mind to basically regurgitate all the things that went on in our minds that day. In essense, it is your minds ways of "taking out the garbage" and clearing way for new thoughts the next day. In another sense, famous psychologist Sigmund Freud explained that what is in our dream is a "repressed longing": the suppressed thoughts and desires that we are usually unable to express socially. Psychologist Carl Jung agrees with Freud, adding that dreams enable us to also see ourselves as well as solve our problems. Have you ever heard the term "Let me sleep on it". There is great logic to that! In general, psychologists all believe that unconscious thoughts are projected on our dreams. Intersting...

If you are sluggish throughout the day, you most likely arent getting enough sleep (although there are many other factors that can play into the sluggish factor as well.) "Irritability, moodiness and disinhibition are some of the first signs a person experiences from lack of sleep." Nobody wants to be irritable at work - but I'm sure we've all experienced this at some point or another. Most people need 7-8 hours of sleep per night to fully function the next day. I like to get 10 :) That's just me. Naps are also always welcome!

Many experience sleep problems (thus the intoduction of sleep aids like Ambien and the like...). Stress is the number one cause of short-term sleeping difficulties, according to sleep experts. Managing your stess, even if you are able to dimish a small amount of it prior to falling asleep that night, is imperative to your wellbeing.

Women often refer to their sleeping time as "getting their beauty sleep". There is truth to this. Many dermatologists and aestheticians agree that the number one thing you can do to improve the look of your skin is to get a good night's sleep every night. Skin makes new cells twice as fast during sleep time than during waking hours. Several studies have shown that sleep deprived humans have lower levels of the growth hormone the skin needs to repair environmental damage and produce new skin cells. When skin cell replacement falls behind, then wrinkles and slackness result. Plenty of nourishing sleep is one of the secrets of a good complexion and a healthy body.

Try to calm your mind before falling asleep. Decide that you will sleep well. Decluter your mind by focusing on your breath. Repeat prayers that are therapeutic to you. Read a good book. I am a huge advocate of baths. I take one every night before I go to bed. A relaxing night time regimen helps to prepare you for a good night's sleep. Try to find something that works for you. Try to turn off the TV and silence your Blackberry a couple of hours before going to bed so your mind realized that its time to zone out and get some rest.

Find your calm: Sleep well and wake up restored.

Changing Your Mental Patterns

2010-05-14T08:32:00.013-04:00

I don't want to be fat
I don't want to be broke
I don't want to be old
I don't want to live here
I don't want to have this relationship
I don't want to be like my mother/father
I don't want to be stuck in this job
I don't want to have this hair/nose/body
I don't want to be lonely
I don't want to be unhappy
I don't want to be sick

What you put your attention on grows!

The above shows how we are culturally taught to fight the negative mentality - thinking that if we do so, the positive will automatically come to us. It doesn't work that way.

How often have you lamented about what you didn't want? Did it ever bring you what you really wanted? Fighting the negative is a total waste of time if you really want to make changes in your life. The more you dwell on what you don't want, the more of it you create.

The things about yourself or your life that you have always disliked are probably still with you. What you put your attention on grows and becomes permanent in your life. Move away from the negative, and put your attention on what it is that you really do want to be or do or have. Let's turn the above negative affirmations into positive ones:

I am slender
I am prosperous
I am eternally young
I now move to a better place
I have a wonderful new relationship
I am my own person
I love my hair/nose/body
I am filled with love and affection
I am joyous and happy and free
I am totally healthy

Learn to think these positive affirmations. Repeat them to yourself. You might feel silly in doing so, but try to repeat them as much as possible throughout your day to yourself... see what happens. Notice how much better it feels than saying them than opposite, negative affirmation - that in itself is worth it. Too often we think negative thoughts - these only create more of what you say you don't want. Saying "I hate my job", will get you nowhere. Declaring, "I now accept a wonerful new job", will open the channels in your consciousness to create just that. Your subconscious mind is such an obedient servant that if you declare that you have it, it will find a way to bring that thing into your life. Don't worry about HOW, just believe it will happen.

Thoughts have no power over us unless we give into them. Thoughts are only words strung together. They have NO MEANING WHATSOEVER. Onle we give meaning to them. Let us choose to think thoughts that nourish and prosper us.

Think for a moment of a tomato plant. A healthy plant can have over a hundred tomatoes on it. In order to get this tomato plant with all these tomatoes on it, we need to start with a small dried seed. That seed doesn't look like a tomato plant. It sure doesn't taste like a tomato plant. If you didn't know for sure, you would not even believe it could turn into a full grown tomato plant. However, let's say you plant this seed in fertile soil, and you water it and let the sun shine on it. When the first tiny shoot comes up, you don't stomp on it and say "That's not a tomato plant!" Rather, you look at it and say, "Oh boy! Here it comes!", and watch it grow with delight. In time, if you continue to water it and give it lots of sunshine and way away any weeds, you might have a tomato plant with more than a hundred luscious tomatoes. It all began with one tiny seed.

It is the same with creating a new experience for yourself. The soil you plant in is your subconscious mind. The seed is the new affirmation. The whole new experience is in this tiny seed. You water it with positive affirmations. You let the sunshine of positive thoughts beam on it. You weed the garden by pulling out negative thoughts that come up. And when you see the tiniest little evidence, you don't stomp and say, "That's not enough!" Instead you look at this first breakthrough and exclaim with glee, "Oh boy! Here it comes! It's working!"

Find your calm: Grow your own "tomato plant".

Creature Comfort

2010-05-12T20:00:00.015-04:00

Everyone I know is well aware of my (sometimes scary) obsession with bulldogs. Everytime I see one on the street I squeel with delight and have to stop and say hello. When I'm feeling blue, its not uncommon to find me at the local pet store holding one of the little guys (sometimes I pretend I am interested in buying one so they allow me to play with him in a 'private play' room for a half our or so... horrible, I know). There is something so cute about them that just makes me so unequivocally happy. I promise myself I'll get one one day... when I am able to give him a good home and not have to leave him alone while I'm at work all day. I have a name all picked out and everything (Henry).

It is proven that people with pets are generally happier than those without. Who wouldn't want the unconditional love of a snuggly little friend to come home to each day?

Walter (Wally)

My sister and her husband Stephen have a lab mix named Wally. He also goes by a bevy of other names including Snugs, Nonnie, Monster, Boog and Stink. They consider him their son and refer to themselves as 'mommy' and 'daddy'. They also buy him tiny little stuffed animals (he has quite a collection going) which we constantly joke about. Wally is quite a good father to his fuzzy little friends (although he might bury them in the woods sometimes, he always retrieves them later in the season). ""Having a dog in the family is unlike any other love in the world. Dogs are unconditionally loving towards you. They don't judge, they don't hate, and they are always happy to see you, no matter how long you have left them without a pee break!"

Walter and his "babies"

A true gentleman and very sensitive for a male creature, he seems the perfect calming pet to have around. "When I'm sad or crying, he comes right over and paws at me, and nuzzles and presses against me. It has gotten to the point where if I'm really upset, he shakes until I calm down. It's really amazing how they sense their surroundings and people's emotions", Meg says.

Many hospitals offer Pet Therapy programs to help comfort their patients. What are the benefits we accrue when animals are brought near us? "Many people are able to relax when animals are present. Tests have shown that the decrease in heart rate and blood pressure can be dramatic. Even watching fish swim in an aquarium can be very calming. Individuals who have mental illness or low self-esteem focus on themselves. Animals can help them focus on their environment. Rather than thinking and talking about themselves and their problems, they watch and talk to and about the animals." (holisticonline.com)

If you are ready, have the time, and can take good care of a pet, I would highly recommend it.

Find your calm: Get a pet. Or be around animals as much as possible.